Crumpled Home » wtf

Click go the chelicerae, Click Click Click!

Luke — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 03:07:58 +0000

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: Scarlet’s feet are clicking… Click click click.

Dad: Is that a problem?

RJ: Yes. It reminds me of giant spiders walking around the house… Giant spiders that eat people.

Dad: Maybe we could train one. We could have it as a pet!

RJ: No. That’s not a good idea.

Dad: Why not?

RJ: Because Grammy doesn’t mind little spiders, but she would be scared of a giant spider and she would freak out.

Dad: Fair enough. Can’t say I’d blame her.

Were people even around back then?

Luke — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 03:07:58 +0000

(Working on a project on Snow Leopards in the Himalayas)

Mom: The Himalayas are really craggy and sharp looking because they’re young mountains.

Lorian: How old are they?

Mom: Well, they happened when India crashed into Asia. That started happening about 50 million years ago and it’s still happening. The mountains are still growing.

Lorian: 50 million years? So was that in the 1960′s?

Not to put too fine a point on it

Luke — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 03:07:45 +0000

(while eating dinner)

RJ: I don’t like the vegetables, but I will eat ALL my rice.

LR: Rice is a vegetable, RJ!

RJ: No it’s not. It’s a grain. It’s a seed!

Even Malaysians get the blues

Luke — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 03:07:15 +0000

(while eating dinner)

LR: (singing) We all live in a yellow submarine!

RJ: I know that song! I love that song!

LR and RJ: (joyously singing together) We all live in a yellow submarine!

RJ: (after the cacaphony quiets down) When I was a little kid (in Malaysia), we used to sing that song all the time… But it was a bit different. It was about a blue submarine.

Revealing our glass ceiling

Luke — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:07:17 +0000

(a sudden outburst, while eating dinner)

RJ: Okay, new rule! No one in this family is a allowed to turn into a giant!

Some quality time in the garden

Luke — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 03:07:32 +0000

Yesterday afternoon, while building a new raised planter box for an extension to the veggie patch, RJ and LR came out to help. Putting on my “Responsible Father” hat, I decided against letting them carve up the planks of wood with the saw. Determined to help do something, they chose to attack the rose bushes with the hedge trimmers.

This wasn’t a problem — the roses are scheduled to be deleted sometime soon when Mum reformats the gardens. To give the kids some purpose, I suggested we try to make perfume or rosewater out of the rose blooms. “Great,” they said, and asked how to make it.

I managed to describe the processes while trying to sink the posts for the garden bed without destroying the incredibly convoluted system of pipes and tubes that make up our irrigation system. LR picked rosewater and immediately ran off and got to work. RJ decided to make perfume, and then asked where he could get alcohol.

(out in our fairly small back yard, neighbours just a few metres away in all directions)

RJ: Can you get me some alcohol?

Dad: I need to finish this bit of the project, RJ. I can’t help you right now.

RJ: (getting upset) But I need it now. I need to make perfume.

Dad: I understand. You really want to get started, but I can’t help yet. You have to wait.

(this repeats a few times as RJ gets more and more upset)

RJ: (angry and screaming) I NEED ALCOHOL. YOU NEED TO GIVE ME ALCOHOL NOW!

Dad: No! No alcohol for you until later!

RJ: (at the top of his lungs) I WONT WAIT! GIVE ME SOME ALCOHOL! I NEED ALCOHOL.

(this repeats a few more times and eventually he breaks down into tears)

RJ: (sobbing, yet still somehow very loud) Please daddy, please get me some alcohol. I only need a little bit.

I’m just waiting for a knock on the door from family services… They’ll probably be taking my “Responsible Father” hat with them.

They’re not just for breakfast any more

Luke — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 03:07:24 +0000

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: Daddy, do you know how to make rice bubble glass?

Dad: Nope. You tell me.

RJ: First you get rice bubbles, but only the really clean ones. Then you heat them up so they’re very hot and they melt. Then you cool it down slowly and then you have rice bubble glass!

Dad: That’s great! What can you use it for?

RJ: You can make rice bubble bottles to put perfume in. They’re very nice.

RJ: … and you can also throw them at bad guys. They’re allergic to rice bubbles.

(In Australia, Rice Krispies are called Rice Bubbles. Same company, same box, and same trio of little guys helping to sell it.)

Birds of a … feather

Luke — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:07:27 +0000

(walking back to the house)

RJ: Aaaarrrrrrrgggghh. Mozzies! I can’t stand mozzies!

Dad: I know, they’re terrible. What don’t you like about them?

RJ: After they bite me, I get so … aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh… itchy!

Dad: I’ll see if we can get some cream on that after we get inside.

RJ: Thanks.

Dad: So, can you think of a way to stop getting bitten so much?

RJ: Umm… Yes! I wish I could turn into a mosquito, then I’d be safe!

When North meets South

Luke — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 03:07:01 +0000

(discussing dreams over breakfast)

LR: I had a nice dream last night… I had a tea party with a polar bear and a penguin. They didn’t eat each other, but we did end up going over a waterfall together.

The sweet, peaceful dreams of a child…

Luke — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 03:07:57 +0000

(discussing nightmares over breakfast)

RJ: My dream was about robot emus. They were really scary because they could run faster than me.
Dad: Whoah. That sounds awful!
RJ: Yes. They had guns on them on too.
Dad: Did you have a way to stop them, or to get away?
RJ: I found out that when you put toothpaste in their eyes, it kills them.
Dad: So you killed them and escaped?
RJ: No! They came back to life! They turned into zombie robot emus!