Crumpled Home

RJ: Hey Dad! Can you push this for me?

Dad: (Pushes part of springy elastic toy) Sure. What does it do?

RJ: When it pops back out, you get a wish. It can turn into anything you want! Watch…

RJ: I wish for… a laser blaster. (PoP!) See? Isn’t it great? Your turn!

Dad: Okay… I wish for a flying spike shooter!

RJ: (PoP!) There! Now maybe someday you’ll get a flying spike shooter.

Dad: That’s surprisingly vague… Can I try again? I want to try wishing for a huge box of money!

RJ: No, sorry. It only turns into weapons.

Dad: How about a gun that shoots bundles of money?

RJ: (sighs, disappointed) That’s not a very good weapon, Dad.

Dad: How about a gun that shoots bundles of money that are so big that they squash bad guys.

RJ: (brightening up) Yeah! That’ll work! (PoP!)

In Australia some families (ours included) carry on the British tradition of the Christmas pudding. It’s a magical beast, vaguely like a fruitcake (in the same way a rhinoceros is vaguely like a lamb), but heavier, denser, drenched in brandy and delivered to the table covered in blue flames. Fantastic stuff.

One of the traditions when making the pudding takes place after the ingredients have been put together and mixed. Everyone in the house gets to stir the bowl and make a wish. This year, the kids (LR, RJ and their cousins from Melbourne) helped out.

Grammy: And after we mix everything together, we each get to stir the pudding and make a wish!

LR: Why do we get to make a wish?

Grammy: Because the pudding is magic.

LR: Why? When does the magic get in there?

Grammy: After you put everything in and mix it together.

LR: (inspecting the bowls of ingredients in front of her) But where does the magic come from? Is it in the ingredients?

Grammy: No. It just happens after it’s all mixed together.

LR: … but…

Grammy: It’s like birthdays when you cut the cake. You just get to make a wish, okay?

(Unsatisfied with the explanation, LR drops the issue and adds it to her long list of the nonsense that adults insist on believing.)

Sorcery! Witchcraft! Complete and utter rubbish!