Crumpled Home

(driving in the car)

RJ: I know the WORST place to get sunburned. Do you know it, Dad?

Dad: I can think of a few places that would be pretty terrible. Where do you think?

RJ: The second worst place is…  In… Your… Armpits… The skin is so thin there, and you’re always moving it. It would be TERRIBLE!

Dad: I totally agree!

RJ: I know. In the olden days, they just wore singlets and they would get burned there all the time. One day the king said, “Enough! I hate having sunburned armpits!” and so someone invented a t-shirt. The king had a big celebration and it wasn’t a problem any more.

Dad: Cool! I didn’t know that… You said that’s the second worst place to get burned. What’s the actual WORST place?

RJ: Oh, easy. Sunburn on your brain is definitely the worst place… but you can only get that if you’re a zombie. Don’t worry about it.

Recently discovered in RJ’s class… a new planet with a composition unlike any discovered before….

The recently discovered Planet Cheese.

“It’s a planet made of cheese. Cheese grass, cheese trees and cheese houses! It’s a warm planet, but isn’t too close to the sun because otherwise it would melt!”

Apparently, it all started with a ballon, and required a whole lot of “paper massage” before it was finished.

RJ: Dad?

Dad: Yeah, RJ?

RJ: When is Mom getting back?

Dad: Just one more week. It’s a pretty long trip.

RJ: So… Not tomorrow then?

Dad: Sorry mate. After this week of school, then after the weekend.

RJ: Well, she had better get back before the sun blows up or I’m going to be really upset.

Dad: I’ll be sure to let her know.

(while eating dinner)

RJ: Dad, is there something so powerful that people can’t stop?

Dad: Definitely! There are lots of things. Big storms, earthquakes, volcanoes…

RJ: Oh! I know how to stop a volcano.

Dad: Yeah? How would you do that?

RJ: Well, I’ll just carry a big piece of crust up to the top and drop it on the top. If it’s big enough, it can stop the volcano.

Dad: You could do this all by yourself? The Earth’s crust can get pretty heavy.

RJ: Well, I might need two friends to help me.

Dad: If you could do that, I’m sure it would work. Good idea.

RJ: So volcanoes are not a problem. What else is there?

Dad: How about a big asteroid? Those are pretty huge.

RJ: My friends and I could get in jets and fliers and catch the asteroid. Then we could drop THAT on the volcano. We can fix BOTH problems!!

Dad: Nice thinking! How about in four billion years when the sun explodes?

RJ: Not a problem.

Dad: Really?

RJ: Yes. I’d just collect all the rubbish and crush it down so it was very hard and put it out in space.

Dad: You mean that you’d make a super dense shield out of rubbish and put it in front of the Earth?

RJ: Yep. Easy.

Dad: I guess that’d probably work too.

RJ: If you can think of anything else, just let me know. I have lots of ideas.

(while eating breakfast)

LR: RJ, the Earth wont be around forever. The sun is going to blow up and the Earth will get completely burned.

RJ: But I want to do something awesome. I know, I’ll save the mammoths!

LR: You’ll have to go past Jupiter.

RJ: I’ll take them to Pluto. It’s icy.

Dad: But where are you going to get the mammoths. They’re extinct now.

RJ: I’ll need a time machine… But I have to invent it first.

(in an airport)

Dad: Come on RJ, let’s go to the toilet before we get on the plane.

RJ: I don’t need to go. I’m fine.

Dad: It’s a lot easier to go now. You’ll have to sit still after we get on the plane.

RJ: I’m not going anywhere! EVER!

Dad: Last chance, mate.

RJ: (yelling) I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE… UNTIL THE SUN BLOWS UP!