(Leaving the kids’ for a sleep over at Auntie Jess’ place…)
Mom: RJ, be good. And remember your manners please.
RJ: Sure thing! I’m always good.
Mom: Uh huh. And LR, for goodness sake make Auntie Jess WANT to have children one day!
LR: Cute and cuddly, Mum! Cute and cuddly!
Your eyes are closed. It’s completely dark. You know you should be asleep but something has woken you. You lay still and listen…
It’s quiet, or about as quiet as it ever gets around here. The peaceful hum of the fan and the snoring of your husband fill the room, but you’re used to that… There’s something else… Someone breathing. Close breathing. Really close breathing… on your face?!
You snap your eyes open and his face is RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!
Mom: Yeaaargh!!!!
RJ: MOM! It’s not fair! You guys get to sleep in the big bed ALL NIGHT LONG! Why do I have to sleep in my bed? You have so much room! You always say sharing is good and families have to share but you’re not sharing! You are always just sleeping in your bed and you never…
(getting ready for bed)
Dad: I’ll put some music on for you if you want.
LR: (Snuggling down under the covers) Thanks Dad.
(The first few quiet notes of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata fill the room…)
Dad: (kissing her head) Goodnight, LR.
LR: Goodnight Da-…
(The melody starts playing; this time with unexpected, accompanying harmonica.)
(from just outside the door) Hawwwwnk… Hawnk haw hawwwwnk…. Hawwwn haw hawwwnnkk…
RJ: (waltzes into the room, playing along and dancing around) Hawwwn haw hawwwnnkk…
LR: (uncontrollable giggles)
RJ: Do you like it? It’s the Harmonica Sonata!
Dad: Oh yeah, it’s heaps better than the original. I’m sure Beethoven would have loved it. Now, BACK TO BED!
(A few minutes later, RJ insisted on showing me his “emergency harmonica” and where he keeps it, in case he needs it in a hurry… And THEN he went to bed.)
(early morning, before anyone else is awake)
RJ: Can I tell you something?
Mom: Mmhmmm.
RJ: You know those bones? Those human bones? In the cave?
Mom: Uh huh.
RJ: They remind me of Lady Gaga.
Mom: (awake now) Really? Why?
RJ: She sleeps with dead people.
We’re back but are still suffering from “holiday hangover.” Jetlag is bad enough as an adult, but the kids seem to have it a lot worse. There’s a lowest-common-denominator of sleeplessness that we haven’t had to deal with in a long time.
Anyone want to buy two kids, cheap? Interested parties should have plenty of spare time between the hours of 2 and 6am.
LR: Mom, I can’t sleep on planes.
Mom: Sure you can. We’ll bring you a nice pillow. You’ll be fine. You fit in the seat perfectly.
LR: No. I just can’t sleep on planes. Can I stay awake the whole way to America?
Mom: It’s a very long way. It’s going to take us a full day and night to get there. I don’t think staying awake is a good idea.
LR: Well, I’m going to need a really good pillow and to lay flat then.
(5:30 am, the house is silent, in darkness; a pair of eyes pop open…)
RJ: Mom?
RJ: Excuse me, Mom?
Mom: Mrph.
RJ: Next year? For my birthday? Can I have a kraken piñata?
Mom: Mrph.
RJ: Please?
Mom: Mrph.
RJ: Please? Say yes.
Mom: Yes.
RJ: It has to have tentacles.
Mom: Uh huh.
RJ: And make sure it has suckers on it.
Mom: Sure thing.
(Puts pillow over her head and tries to pretend that RJ isn’t really up for the day.)
