Crumpled Home

(Everyone in the family has the flu and no one is sleeping well.)

RJ: (whispering) The clock… It says it’s after 4 now… It says, “Four, two, seven.” … Can we get up now?

Dad: RJ! How many times do I have to tell you? You have to wait until the clock says six… Maybe five, but four is WAY too early. Lay there and try to get back to sleep. Make up stories or something.

RJ: O-kay…

(A few minutes pass, then Dad feels something crawl across his back… RJ’s voice quietly drifts across the bed…)

Pirate Patchy: Hi there Mr Ghost Light. How are you today?

Mr Ghost Light: Not good Patchy. It’s a bad day today.

Pirate Patchy: Why’s that Ghosty?

Mr Ghost Light: Today is the day that all the lights die.

Pirate Patchy: Oh no! That’s terrible!

Mr Ghost Light: I know, but it just has to happen. Oh no! It’s going to happen now! Five, four, three, two, one… *click*

(RJ switches off his nightlight.)

Pirate Patchy: No! Mr Ghost Light! Noooo! Waaaaahhhhhh… (crying noises) This is… the worst day… ever…

RJ: Dad! I’ve got a new invention in the play room and I need you to be really careful!

Dad: Careful? Why? What is it?

RJ: I’m inventing a new disease. It’s really dangerous.

Dad: Oooo-kay… What does it do?

RJ: Well, when you catch it, you cough a little bit and then you feel a bit sick and then skin grows across your mouth and you can’t eat or drink anything!

Dad: That sounds awful!

RJ: It gets worse after that. Then you start bleeding, and THEN you die.

Dad: What on earth do you need a something like that for?

RJ: We need to be ready when the bad guys show up. This will be the only way to stop them.

Dad: Okay then. Try not to get it on your clothes.

(while eating breakfast… LR is playing computer chess, while RJ sings us some of his original hits)

RJ: (singing)
The worst germ,
That you can have,
Gives you a kind of vomit.
And diarrhoea, that is so bad,
That you can’t ever drink enough water.
And… So… You… Die…

LR: Good one RJ!

Dad: Yeah. Did you learn that one at school?

RJ: Nah. I just made it up now. That’s my cholera song.

(LR is wandering around with a surface thermometer in hand)

LR: Your turn, Dad. (click) 33 degrees… So…  Grammy, Dad and Mum were all 33 degrees.

LR: (checks herself) 34.5 degrees! Hmmm…

LR: (checks another part of her head) 35 degrees. Arrgh!

Dad: Why are you so worried about your temperature?

LR: Well… …. How hot do you have to be to have a fever?

Dad: I’d say three degrees more than normal means you’re pretty sick. Less than that isn’t such a big deal.

LR: I want to get my temperature up just a little bit more… (grinning) Because if I’m sick and have a fever, then I get to lay down on the couch and watch TV all afternoon!

(in the car, on the way to school)

RJ: Minty eyeballs… It’s a terrible sickness.

Dad: It does sound terrible.

RJ: Our cousins have it. P, M and their whole family, Aunty B and Uncle T.

Dad: What!? Where did they catch it from?

RJ: From Dora at Dora’s house. Dora went in the Poisonous Jungle and got sick. Then they caught it from her.

Dad: Is there a cure? Can they get medicine or something?

RJ: The only way to get better from minty eyeballs is to drink the nectar from a flower that grows from the tallest tree in the Tiger Snake Jungle.

Dad: We’d better plan a mission to find it.

RJ: There’s no way. There are too many tiger snakes…

RJ: They’re going to die, I presume.