Crumpled Home

(RJ helped sell some things on ebay, and in exchange was allowed to buy something for himself… Instead of getting an actual bird skeleton, something that he’s wanted for a while, he settled for a metal bird-skull on a chain.)

RJ: I can’t believe it! It’s finally here! It took two whole weeks!

Dad: It actually looks good, too. Solid.

RJ: I know! It’s really pretty cool. I think it’ll be pretty popular at school. I bet everyone will want to check it out. That will last about a week, maybe ten days. Then it will be a bit boring again. After that, you know, something else will be cool and who knows what that will be.

RJ feeling just a little bit gansta: Bird skull necklace, hoodie, and random pair of sunglasses that he found.

(while at the park)

Heather: So are you and C. in the same class?

RJ: No, we’re not… Everyone knows about the mischief we get up to.

Heather: Ohhh really…

RJ: Yeah. We are just two dudes up to no good, and it’s on record.

(while eating dinner)

Dad: So what happened to you guys at school today?

(silence)

Dad: Really! Something must have happened!

(crickets chirping)

RJ: Well! You are totally not going to believe this.

RJ: (puts down his fork and becomes quite dramatic and intense)

Today, we were playing at lunch time. There were four of us, me, L. and the other guys and we went back by the Sheddies. You know where they’re doing the building? Past there, past the edge of the concrete.

(pauses)

We decided to dig a hole. A big hole.

(motions digging with his hands)

We started digging. It got deep. Really deep.

(excitedly) We kept on digging and digging, deeper and deeper. We were digging like crazy, making this huge hole!

We kept digging and all of a sudden there was a flash along the bottom of the hole! WHOAH! SCALES. We saw SCALES!

(suddenly stops)

Do you know what it was?

Can you guess?

Dad: No idea… A fish?

RJ: (glares at Dad)

(channelling Steve Irwin) It was a SNAKE, it was in the bottom of the hole and it was a big one! (holding up hands showing the size) We couldn’t believe it!

Dad: Wow! A snake? At your school?

RJ: I know. It was REALLY exciting.

Dad: So… Did you tell someone? Perhaps a teacher?

RJ: No. We didn’t want everyone to freak out. It would just ruin their day…

RJ: Anyway, that’s not what you do when you see a snake. You just, “Say G’day, and walk away.” and that’s exactly what we did.

(RJ and Dad have just returned from an after-school teeball game…)

RJ: (excited) I know what I’m wearing to the school disco tonight! It has to be something tropical. I have my blue Hawaiian shirt and my flower shorts. They’ll be perfect! I’ll probably wear my beret too… What are you going to wear?

Dad: Me? Just normal clothes — nothing special.

RJ: (thoughtfully) Hmmm… You probably have something tropical you could wear.

Dad: Yeah, but it’s a kids’ disco. I don’t need to dress up.

RJ: But don’t you have a blue Hawaiian shirt? You should definitely wear that; it looks good.

Dad: Umm… Okay, I guess.

(Dad grabs his blue Hawaiian shirt and puts it on).

RJ: And probably some shorts, too. It’s too hot out there for pants.

Dad: True…

(While Dad changes into a pair of shorts, RJ disappears into another room.)

RJ: (runs back in, breathless) Hey Dad! I found your hat! You should definitely wear this one!

Dad: (puts hat on) Okay! Okay! Can we go now?

RJ: Yeah! Let’s go!

Somehow RJ and Dad ended up dressing very similarly...

(Later that night, RJ was infuriated when he heard Dad say, “RJ said we had to dress the same”. He insists that it wasn’t true and that he just made some suggestions so that Dad would look good.)

Towards the end of last year, LR decided she wanted to help some endangered species in whatever way she could. She remembered our local zoo has an orangutan conservation and breeding program with several large, well designed enclosures, and decided that donating money to their program would be a great way to make a difference.

Her idea was to hold an art show where kids at her school could donate two dollars to enter. In return, they would get a certificate and also a chance to win a huge jar of lollies. She hung several of these signs around the school and recruited a few of her friends to help collect money during their lunch breaks.

LR printed out these posters and hung them around the school.

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After a stressful evening of packing school bags and reviewing essential school and office supplies (including psychedelic liquid filled rulers and pencil sharpeners), the kids are ready for the first day of school.

RJ is starting Year 1 and LR enters Year 4! Congrats guys!

The first day of school. Welcome to Year 1, RJ. Welcome to Year 4, LR!

Everything was all very friendly until we reached the school gate... and then LR insisted that she not be followed to her classroom. Parents are just too embarrassing.

RJ waits at the door to his classroom. He's totally ready for Year 1, but are they ready for him?

Once again, LR’s and RJ’s school put on its huge biennial musical performance. All the kids at the school have a part, with each grade getting its own big musical piece to perform. This year’s performance was Jack and the Beat-stalk, another original written by the school principal, filled with only-slightly-mangled songs by the Beatles.

LR and the Go-Go Girls strut their stuff across the stage.

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School photos are in!

RJ has a "super power smile" that he pulls out for photos. We have hundreds of photos just like this.

LR, on the other hand, is always calm and in control.

(reading before school)

RJ: So… Why are they called hedgehogs anyway?

Dad: Well, there used to be lots of different sorts… Hedgehogs, bushhogs, treehogs, sandhogs… You get the idea. But they all went extinct.

RJ: DAD!

…

RJ: (reading) “… Some hedgehogs live in the dessert…”

Dad: Careful. It’s DESERT with one ‘S’. You know, the dry place with lots of sand.

RJ: (deliberately ignores Dad and continues) “…There are people who lick hedgehogs and leave food for them at night…”

Dad: RJ, It’s LIKE, not LICK. You know that one.

RJ: But if they live in the dessert, they must be pretty tasty. I would lick them too.

(Before school)

Mom: What are you taking in for news today, RJ?

RJ: Can I bring the bow that I made?

Mom: That’s a good idea.

(Later, while walking to school)

RJ: Mom, there’s a rule that says you can’t bring weapons to school.

Mom: (pauses) So do you really think bringing your bow to school was a good idea?

RJ: No… But can we see what my teacher says?

Mom: Okay. We’ll see.

(A few minutes later)

Claire: No, RJ. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

RJ: (getting angry) But!!!

Claire: We have a rule about weapons at school… But you have done such good work on this, let’s take a photo of you with it and then send it home with Mom.

RJ: *explodes*

(Moments later, RJ is outside talking to Mom.)

Mom: You knew the rule, RJ.

RJ: But I made it and I only want to show it for news!

Mom: They can’t have kids bringing weapons to class. It’s not safe.

RJ: (exasperated) But… but… It’s only half a weapon! You can’t even use it without arrows!

Mom: …

Mom: (relenting) You do have a point… You can ask Claire one last time.

(A few minutes later, RJ is happily playing with his friends. The bow sits on the news table waiting for its moment in the spotlight.)

Claire: It looks like we’ve got a little lawyer on our hands.

Mom: (sighing) I know. Do you know anyone who needs a criminal defense lawyer? They can have him for cheap… free even.