Crumpled Home

Towards the end of last year, LR decided she wanted to help some endangered species in whatever way she could. She remembered our local zoo has an orangutan conservation and breeding program with several large, well designed enclosures, and decided that donating money to their program would be a great way to make a difference.

Her idea was to hold an art show where kids at her school could donate two dollars to enter. In return, they would get a certificate and also a chance to win a huge jar of lollies. She hung several of these signs around the school and recruited a few of her friends to help collect money during their lunch breaks.

LR printed out these posters and hung them around the school.

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After a stressful evening of packing school bags and reviewing essential school and office supplies (including psychedelic liquid filled rulers and pencil sharpeners), the kids are ready for the first day of school.

RJ is starting Year 1 and LR enters Year 4! Congrats guys!

The first day of school. Welcome to Year 1, RJ. Welcome to Year 4, LR!

Everything was all very friendly until we reached the school gate... and then LR insisted that she not be followed to her classroom. Parents are just too embarrassing.

RJ waits at the door to his classroom. He's totally ready for Year 1, but are they ready for him?

Once again, LR’s and RJ’s school put on its huge biennial musical performance. All the kids at the school have a part, with each grade getting its own big musical piece to perform. This year’s performance was Jack and the Beat-stalk, another original written by the school principal, filled with only-slightly-mangled songs by the Beatles.

LR and the Go-Go Girls strut their stuff across the stage.

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School photos are in!

RJ has a "super power smile" that he pulls out for photos. We have hundreds of photos just like this.

LR, on the other hand, is always calm and in control.

(reading before school)

RJ: So… Why are they called hedgehogs anyway?

Dad: Well, there used to be lots of different sorts… Hedgehogs, bushhogs, treehogs, sandhogs… You get the idea. But they all went extinct.

RJ: DAD!

…

RJ: (reading) “… Some hedgehogs live in the dessert…”

Dad: Careful. It’s DESERT with one ‘S’. You know, the dry place with lots of sand.

RJ: (deliberately ignores Dad and continues) “…There are people who lick hedgehogs and leave food for them at night…”

Dad: RJ, It’s LIKE, not LICK. You know that one.

RJ: But if they live in the dessert, they must be pretty tasty. I would lick them too.

(Before school)

Mom: What are you taking in for news today, RJ?

RJ: Can I bring the bow that I made?

Mom: That’s a good idea.

(Later, while walking to school)

RJ: Mom, there’s a rule that says you can’t bring weapons to school.

Mom: (pauses) So do you really think bringing your bow to school was a good idea?

RJ: No… But can we see what my teacher says?

Mom: Okay. We’ll see.

(A few minutes later)

Claire: No, RJ. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

RJ: (getting angry) But!!!

Claire: We have a rule about weapons at school… But you have done such good work on this, let’s take a photo of you with it and then send it home with Mom.

RJ: *explodes*

(Moments later, RJ is outside talking to Mom.)

Mom: You knew the rule, RJ.

RJ: But I made it and I only want to show it for news!

Mom: They can’t have kids bringing weapons to class. It’s not safe.

RJ: (exasperated) But… but… It’s only half a weapon! You can’t even use it without arrows!

Mom: …

Mom: (relenting) You do have a point… You can ask Claire one last time.

(A few minutes later, RJ is happily playing with his friends. The bow sits on the news table waiting for its moment in the spotlight.)

Claire: It looks like we’ve got a little lawyer on our hands.

Mom: (sighing) I know. Do you know anyone who needs a criminal defense lawyer? They can have him for cheap… free even.

(RJ’s favorite line at the moment. He repeats it often using one of his weird voices and thinks it’s hilarious. Another RJ original.)

RJ: Move you big goose, or I’ll swallow you whole… There’s just not enough room in this town!

Another crazy month went by! This time around, Mom and LR got a thousand and one things done before they left for the USA, leaving Dad and RJ behind to survive on a steady diet of buttered toast and cereal. The cousins came over from Melbourne, and Grammy’s house STILL isn’t finished! Finally, RJ entertained an entire school with his own special moves during his class concert.

RJ's friend C visited for a sleepover. The next morning, the two of them insisted on pancakes, the internationally recognised breakfast of bloodthirsty pirates and fierce centurions.

(LR is enjoying her recent move to the top spelling group in her class)

LR: I’m a really good speller… I can spell any word…

LR: … Except concentration.

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: I’ve figured it out, Dad.

Dad: What’s that?

RJ: A rat trap! We just need an apple and a large glass pot. We put it outside and when we see the rat go in, we put some paper over the top and he wont be able to get out! They don’t have hands!

Dad: Great idea, but why on Earth do we want to catch a rat?

RJ: Because Mom hates them… and…

Dad: And what?

RJ: My friend L. at school wants one… He really liked my baby rat in a jar.*

Dad: He wants a rat in a jar, too?

RJ: Yeah, but it’s okay. I’ll sell it to him, and maybe I can sell them to other people, too!

** A few weeks ago, RJ found a dead baby rat outside — probably one of Violet Miaowmix’s recent victims. It now sits in a place of honour on the shelf in his room, preserved in a (VERY WELL SEALED) jar full of alcohol.