Crumpled Home

(by LR)

My aliens name is Gobb-snobb. He is one year old, but in people years, he is fifty. He lives on one of Saturns rings.

He looks like a frog with spines. His skin is green and slimy with yellow dots. He has webbed fingers and toes and huge eyes. His spines are on the middle of his back and they protect him from danger. They also communicate by rubbing the spines together. It makes click noises.

It is a she-male. A she-male is a male and a female at the same time. To reproduce, they lose a finger and that will turn into a child. They eat berries, leaves, and sometimes little bugs.

He has heaps of buttons on all of his clothes and one of the buttons has a little picture of a seat with rocket jets. If he presses that button, an automatic seat will come out with jets. He can go flying. It also has a few other buttons. If you press one of the buttons that has a drink picture on it, a drink will come out. If you press the other button, which has a picture of a piece of food on it, a bug or a berry will come out. Last of all, there’s another button which says “blah blah”, which means get me to safety. It will take you to safety instantly.

RJ’s been playing around with words and sounds a lot for a while now. He’s continually inventing new words, objects, definitions and almost always remembers them weeks after he’s coined the new term or phrase.

For example, last weekend, he introduced us to the “sapple”. It looks just like a normal apple, but it’s tangy and a bit sour.

Much to our chagrin, he’s also been making a lot of poop jokes. We always react negatively — for these, he gets warnings, or sent from the dinner table. He’s aware that we don’t appreciate them. This morning, however, he had me laughing over this one.

RJ: Daddy, do you know about… Poopiter?

Dad: RJ. You know we don’t like poop jokes.

RJ: It’s not a poop joke. It’s Poopiter. It’s a moon around Jupiter.

Dad: I hadn’t heard about it, no.

RJ: It’s big and very icy. The whole place is ice.

Dad: Really? The whole place is frozen?

RJ: Yes. But if you smash really hard, you can get to the water underneath the ice.

Dad: Wow. So you have to be a bit careful not to smash through and fall in?

RJ: The ice is very thick, but you have to be a bit careful. It has rings too, like Saturn. They are lots of different colours. First there’s red, then it mixes into yellow and the yellow mixes into blue.

Dad: You know a lot about this place. Why is it called Poopiter?

RJ: Because the water under the ice is brown and it smells bad.

Welcome to... Poopiter.