Crumpled Home

(reading to the kids in the car)

Dad: … Dun dun daaaaaaaaahhhhhhh… That’s the end of the chapter guys.

LR: Daddy! Read more!

RJ: Yeah, keep going!

Dad: We’re almost there. It’s time to stop.

LR: If you stop now, I will not be pleased. There will be consequences, Daddy… Consequences.

RJ: Yeah! You better keep reading! I’m reaching my limit…

LR: (dramatically) CONSEQUENCES!

RJ: … and you wont like me when I reach my limit. I’m just like Mom!

Dad: True. Normally, Mom is just lovely to be around…

Mom: (dark, foreboding look)

Dad: … But it’s never safe to be around Mom when she’s reached her limit.

Mom: (darker, more threatening look)

Dad: I guess I’m pushing the limit, right now.

LR: CONSEQUENCES!!!!!

RJ: I’m getting to my limit, Daddy! I’m warning you!

LR: !!!  CONSEQUENCES !!!!!

RJ: !!! LIMITS !!!

Dad: Okay… Okay… A few more pages then.

Do not push his limits, or there will be consequences!

(getting to bed after watching the movie Megamind)

Dad: Time to get to sleep, RJ… And by the way, we have a rule in this family:
You aren’t allowed to grow up to be an evil super-villain.

RJ: No Dad. That’s what you’re doing… After you’re done being a parent.

Dad: Shhhhh. That’s my secret plan.

RJ: Don’t worry. I won’t tell mum. She’d battle you and you’d probably end up dying.

Dad: I know. Shes always ruining my plans… Always.

(on the way to school)

Dad: You’re brining your ammonite fossil?

RJ: Yeah. I want to show it for news.

Dad: Be extra super careful with it… Most kids don’t get to bring ammonites to school. Know why?

RJ: Because they’re really hard to find?

Dad: Yep… but mostly because their parents know they are going to drop them.

RJ: I think there’s a rule. You can drop them one time, and that’s okay, but drop them two times and you’re out. No more fossils for you.