Crumpled Home

Dad: Thanks for helping carry stuff out to the car, LR.

LR: No. problem. But. I. am. not. LR.

Dad: You’re… a robot?

LR: Yes. No. I. am. a. chicken.

Dad: You’re a chicken robot?

LR: No. I. am. a. chicken.

Dad: You’re a robot, pretending to be a chicken?

LR: Yes. I. am. a. chicken.

Dad: Do you like chickens for some reason, robot?

LR: No. I. hate. chickens.

Dad: So you’re a robot that hates chickens, pretending to be a chicken? What on Earth for?

LR: So. I. can. get. into. the. chicken. coop. Obviously. they. do. not. let. robots. in.

Dad: And why would a chicken hating robot want to get into a chicken coop?

LR: It. is. the. only. way. to. defeat. them. I. will. fight. them. while. they. sleep.

(LR wanders off, as I wonder if I’ve confused her for RJ… and what on earth is wrong with our children.)

RJ: Watch out, Dad. They’re all robots now.

Dad: Who’s that?

RJ: The spiders and insects… Even the scorpions. They’ve all been replaced by robots.

Dad: Let me guess. The bad guys have a plan to take over the world?

RJ: Yes, and it starts by replacing all the venomous creatures with robots.

RJ: … but not the lizards. They’re still on our side.

RJ: I have a friend at school. Do you know Louis?

Dad: Yep. I’ve met him.

RJ: We’ve got some plans together.

Dad: What kind of plans?

RJ: We’re going to collect a lot of dead animals and put hydraulics in them… and then we’ll have an animal robot army. It’ll be great.

(a discussion after school)

RJ: Did you know that bad robots need bad batteries and bad switches?

Dad: No. I didn’t know that. So the bad batteries have bad power in them?

RJ: Yep. It’s what makes them so evil.

Dad: So… What if I put bad power in a good robot?

RJ: Not a good idea. He would just pull out his gun and shoot you.

Dad: Okay. I wont try that then. What if I put bad power into something safe, like a TV?

RJ: That’s the worst idea EVER.

Dad: Why? TV’s don’t have guns in them.

RJ: If you do that, the TV will explode… and then hundreds of tiny spider droids will come out and attack you. They’re really little.

Dad: Like microbots, or even smaller, like nanobots?

RJ: Nanobots. They try to get into your ears then your brain to kill you.

Dad: Can I just stomp on them?

RJ: Nope. They’re too tough — they’re made of metal!

Dad: What if I use a super strong magnet? Then they’ll be stuck to it.

RJ: Nope. They’re not made of iron. They use a different kind of metal.

Dad: Titanium or something?

RJ: Yep.

Dad: What if I sprayed them with acid?

RJ: Wont work.

Dad: Why not?

RJ: Because they have little sucker hoses that will clean it all up… then they empty it into the rubbish.

Dad: (thinking) Hmm…

Dad: … Got it! I’ve got electric shoes! When they try to crawl up my feet, they’ll get zapped and stop working!

RJ: …

RJ: … (thinking) …

RJ: (looks around) … But you’re not wearing shoes!!! You’re DEAD!

Watching a video on YouTube with RJ…

RJ: They’ve got it wrong… He’s not a monkey; he’s a gorilla.

…

RJ: I think the robot will win.

…

RJ: See, the gorilla is pretty good at fighting, but just wait.

…

RJ: There! The robot throws the monkey off the building. It’s all over.

I told you! Robots are always better than gorillas.

…

RJ: Ugh! Even a kid can beat up a gorilla! They’re just terrible fighters!

While in Melbourne, the kids had their first adventures ice-skating. They both did really well, obviously picking up some skills from their incredibly graceful mother. We also went to the Melbourne version of SciTech… Science Works! Some of the exhibits were strangely familiar. Finally, just before we left, Mi. had a piano concert and invited us along. Well done Mi.!

RJ had a penguin buddy to help him get around the ice. With an extra person pushing, that thing got going really fast.

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The trip to Melbourne wasn’t only for Thanksgiving dinner with our friends. We also spent a bunch of time with our cousins!

Even though it was nearly summer, the weather was typical Melbourne: cool and rainy. The day we arrived, we stopped by a great cafe for a terrific brunch followed by a trip to the Melbourne Museum. They have a great permanent dinosaur exhibit and while we were there, they had a fantastic arthropod exhibit with a huge collection of LIVE tarantulas and dangerous spiders as well as some insects. RJ was in heaven — a museum full of dinosaurs and bugs!

Off to a cafe for breakfast, where LR tells Mi. all the latest news. Surprise of the morning: both LR and RJ like kippers!

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It was a huge August and the kids have only gotten more busy, not less. We’ve had birthday parties, sleep-overs, soccer finals, dress-up days at school, martial arts Jedi training and more. Here are some of the highlights!

Dad took LR and RJ on the train into the city to look for a present for Mum's birthday.

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(discussing nightmares over breakfast)

RJ: My dream was about robot emus. They were really scary because they could run faster than me.
Dad: Whoah. That sounds awful!
RJ: Yes. They had guns on them on too.
Dad: Did you have a way to stop them, or to get away?
RJ: I found out that when you put toothpaste in their eyes, it kills them.
Dad: So you killed them and escaped?
RJ: No! They came back to life! They turned into zombie robot emus!

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: (Pokes spoon between Dad’s fingers and starts twisting… Twist… twist…)

Dad: (Ignores him)

RJ: (Continues with the next gap between fingers… Twist… twist…)

Dad: RJ. What are you doing???

RJ: I’m taking you apart. I have to remove your fingers first.

Dad: What!? Why are you taking me apart? What did I do?

RJ: I created you, so I can take you apart.

Dad: Am I a robot or something?

RJ: Yes. I created you, but you turned out evil. I have to take you apart and rebuild you.

Dad: I hope you get it right this time.