(a sudden outburst while playing lego)
RJ: Cheese fans, don’t be surprised! The Age of Yellow Cheese is over! Welcome to the age of Digital Cheese… from Mars!
It’s so easy to bring with you! It just disappears! It’s very good if you’re on a diet.
If you think you’re eating the tastiest cheese in the world, you’re not. You need to try Digital Cheese… from Mars!
Dad: Umm, okay… I guess I’ll have a bit.
(while playing lego together)
Dad: So RJ, if you were at your birthday party and a giant, venomous spider showed up, threatening everyone…
RJ: (curious) Yeah?
Dad: What kind of weapon would you use to fight it? A sword? A spear?
RJ: Well… Hmm… To kill a giant spider,.. I would use… A giant boot!
(while eating lunch)
Dad: (with mock concern) RJ, you’re wearing the birthday hat, but it’s not your birthday yet!
RJ: (silently keeps eating)
Dad: You can’t wear that today. You’ve got half a day to go!
RJ looks Dad in the eye, reaches his hands up to the hat and tips it to the left, precariously balancing it on one side of his head… Then grins.
RJ: (grinning) If it’s half a day to my birthday, then I can half wear it. So there!
It’s a beautiful, bright, sunny day and RJ and Mom are in the garden. Deep within a ferocious tangle of tomato vines, Mom is pulling up plants and getting the garden ready for a new season. RJ walks purposefully outside… He clearly has an agenda.
RJ: Mom, is there anything that I can do to help you? … And then maybe earn a prize? … Like a new Beast Quest book?
Mom: Ummm…Okay. You can empty out the pool so we can put it away for winter.
The pool is four metres in diameter and 80 centimetres deep… It holds a LOT of water.
RJ: And if I empty out the pool, can we go to the bookshop right away?
Mom: Okay… It might take a while though!
RJ starts industriously emptying the pool, tiny bucket by little, tiny bucket. After half-an-hour the water level has dropped a little, but not significantly. Mom feels sorry for him and steps in to help out.
Ten minutes later, she has had enough and is seriously considering suggesting that they just go to the bookshop and leave the job for Daddy.
RJ: I know it’s hard, Mom. But if we want that book, we just have to keep going.
Mom: (Feeling guilty, desperately wishing the child hadn’t just said that, wondering if it’s bad parenting to discourage such industry) Mmmmhmmm.
Time passes. More water is emptied into the garden.
RJ: We’ll just keep going, won’t we Mom?
Mom: Okay…
RJ: Because we might not like it, but it just has to get done.
Mom: (sighs)
RJ: Even if it’s really hard work. We just have to keep going.
Mom: Yeah…
RJ: Because if we don’t do it, who will? There’s just nobody but us. So we have to get it done.
Mom: (looking around for candid camera set up by Dad) Argh.
RJ: I know, Mom. But we can do it.
RJ: (pauses, thoughtfully) Maybe you should get a book too, Mom. You’re really working hard.
More time (and water) passes and eventually they emptied the entire pool.
All of it.
And they got a book.
And Mom got a coffee.
(singing)
RJ: And the baby said, “Wah wah wah wah.”
And the kitter litter sang nothing…
And the baby sang, “Cry cry cry cry.”
And the kitty litter stayed silent…
And the baby cried, “Tear tear tear tear.”
And the kitty litter attacked…
And now the baby is covered in kitty litter.
(while eating dinner)
Dad: So what happened to you guys at school today?
(silence)
Dad: Really! Something must have happened!
(crickets chirping)
RJ: Well! You are totally not going to believe this.
RJ: (puts down his fork and becomes quite dramatic and intense)
Today, we were playing at lunch time. There were four of us, me, L. and the other guys and we went back by the Sheddies. You know where they’re doing the building? Past there, past the edge of the concrete.
(pauses)
We decided to dig a hole. A big hole.
(motions digging with his hands)
We started digging. It got deep. Really deep.
(excitedly) We kept on digging and digging, deeper and deeper. We were digging like crazy, making this huge hole!
We kept digging and all of a sudden there was a flash along the bottom of the hole! WHOAH! SCALES. We saw SCALES!
(suddenly stops)
Do you know what it was?
Can you guess?
Dad: No idea… A fish?
RJ: (glares at Dad)
(channelling Steve Irwin) It was a SNAKE, it was in the bottom of the hole and it was a big one! (holding up hands showing the size) We couldn’t believe it!
Dad: Wow! A snake? At your school?
RJ: I know. It was REALLY exciting.
Dad: So… Did you tell someone? Perhaps a teacher?
RJ: No. We didn’t want everyone to freak out. It would just ruin their day…
RJ: Anyway, that’s not what you do when you see a snake. You just, “Say G’day, and walk away.” and that’s exactly what we did.
(Some great friends visited from the US. Among the many fantastic gifts they brought for us were six boxes of real Cheerios…)
Dad: So. What’s for breakfast this morning, guys? How about American Cheerios?
RJ: You’re saying it wrong.
Dad: (with mock American accent) Amerrrican Cheeeerrriowwws?
LR: Nope. You’re still saying it wrong.
Dad: (confused) What do you mean I’m saying it wrong?
RJ: There’s a Cheerio over the letter ‘i’. You’re not saying it.
LR: He’s right, Dad… and I don’t think it’s a silent Cheerio.
Dad: Fair enough… Who wants American Cheeri-Cheerio-os?
LR & RJ: We do!
Over the weekend we took a trip to Rottnest Island and everyone knows that the only sensible way to get around Rottnest is on a bike. There was one problem: RJ was still on training wheels, and you can’t ride all the way across the island on training wheels.
The day before we left, as Dad spent some quality time with the bikes in the garage, RJ practiced balancing as he wheeled himself around and around on the smooth concrete. He wouldn’t accept any help at all.
RJ: Stop! Don’t touch me! You’ll just make me fall over!
Dad: Fair enough. Just a bit of advice, though. You should try to…
RJ: STOP! Stop saying anything! I’m trying to concentrate!
The next day we arrived on Rottnest and the rough, bumpy road surface lay ahead of him, waiting hungrily to scrape the skin off his knees. With only the slightest bit of trepidation he pushed off the ground, lifted his feet to the pedals and he was away!
It was the end of an era... The age of innocence was over... It was time to grow up... The training wheels were gone...
RJ: (pointing to his foot) Cheese? Cheese…
Dad: Really?
RJ: (nodding) Cheese, cheese, cheese.
Dad: So is there something I can do to help?
RJ: (nodding) Cheese!!!!
Dad: I don’t understand… We need to find another way to communicate.
RJ: (holding up an Angry Bird) Hey! I can tell you. He’s got a mosquito bite on his foot! It’s craaaazy itchy!
Your eyes are closed. It’s completely dark. You know you should be asleep but something has woken you. You lay still and listen…
It’s quiet, or about as quiet as it ever gets around here. The peaceful hum of the fan and the snoring of your husband fill the room, but you’re used to that… There’s something else… Someone breathing. Close breathing. Really close breathing… on your face?!
You snap your eyes open and his face is RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!
Mom: Yeaaargh!!!!
RJ: MOM! It’s not fair! You guys get to sleep in the big bed ALL NIGHT LONG! Why do I have to sleep in my bed? You have so much room! You always say sharing is good and families have to share but you’re not sharing! You are always just sleeping in your bed and you never…
