(Discussing a school council meeting at our house…)
LR: My teacher will need to bring her kids along, because she’s divorced and she doesn’t have a husband to watch them.
RJ: What!? No husband? Then how did her kids get fertilized?
LR: She used to have a husband, but they got divorced.
RJ: What happened? Did she kill him?
LR: No, RJ! They got divorced so she wouldn’t kill him!
LR: Do you have one of those science jars? The ones that you put stuff in?
Dad: I don’t, but I think Mom does — or at least she can get them from work if you ask. What do you need it for?
LR: I have a project for school and I need to bring in a sample of water.
Dad: Fair enough. Just ask Mom, she can get them for you. I can help you collect different kinds of water if you want.
(a couple of days later)
LR: Mom, I need to bring some sea water to school for a project.
Mom: What project?
LR: I have to bring in something that demonstrates the words, “I belong…”
Mom: And you’re bringing in sea water? Why is that?
LR: Because I feel like I belong overseas.
(Mom has a mild panic attack. LR doesn’t feel Australian? She doesn’t feel like she belongs? She feels like there’s no place for her here?)
Mom: What do you mean by belonging overseas?
LR: Well, I love adventures and I love travelling. I want to see new places and explore the world!
Mom: (Massive relief) What a great idea!
(in the car)
RJ: (singing) Chikka-chakka-chikka-chukka cho… (continues for a minute)
RJ: Do you like my song?
Dad: Sure, but I don’t understand the words or what it’s about.
RJ: You don’t know the Chikka-chakka language?
Dad: Nope. It’s a bit sad really.
RJ: Ugh.. That’s terrible…
RJ: (a few moments later) (singing) Waa-waa-wee-ooo. Waaa… (continues for a minute)
RJ: How about that song?
Dad: Great one, but bad news… I didn’t understand that one either.
RJ: What!? You don’t understand Waa-wee language? That is ridiculous! What did they teach you in school?!
Dad: I guess it wasn’t a very good school.
RJ: Okay. One more try…
RJ: (singing) Mikka-mak, mikka-mak mooo! Mikka-mak, mikka-mak mooo-ooo-ooo! Mikka-mikka… (continues for ages)
Dad: That’s the best one yet, but you’ll have to explain it to me.
RJ: It’s a song about falling in love… with a beautiful girl.
Dad: It’s awesome. I’ll have to sing it to mum.
During the Summer holidays, the family spent a lot of time down at the beach. Its a pretty great spot: calm, predictable surf (i.e. none) and these days the kids are old enough that we aren’t perpetually worried that they’ll drown, eat a toxic blowfish or get carried off by a seabird or something.
The afternoons are filled with splashing, riding their boogie boards, chasing each other and snorkeling along the shore – your typical beach-side activity. Their cousins even came over from Melbourne for a few weeks, so the games and activities were correspondingly more intense. With so much going on, you might think they wouldn’t need a lot of extra entertainment… and for most kids, that would be true.
Unfortunately, RJ is not quite like most kids.
(after school)
RJ: The Smarties (kindergarten kids) were running around everywhere and we were laughing because they were so little!
Dad: That’s not very nice. Remember how you felt when the 3rd graders were teasing you?
RJ: Yeah. Bad.
Dad: So you should probably be nicer to the Smarties.
RJ: … I know! It’s a food chain! The third graders pick on us, so we have to pick on the Smarties!
(walking home from school)
RJ: I have a girlfriend, you know.
Dad: I didn’t know that.
RJ: Yeah. She’s at my other school.
Dad: That’s cool. What’s her name?
RJ: L. But we don’t talk much.
Dad: Really?
RJ: Actually. She doesn’t talk to me… and I don’t talk to her either… but she’s still my girlfriend.
(while discussing RJ’s girlfriend problems over breakfast)
Dad: So maybe you just need a hockey mask? It’s a mask that you can see through with metal bars. It will block anything big from getting through and hitting your face.
RJ: Yeah! I need one that uses laser beams and blasts things that try to go through.
LR: They aren’t real, RJ. You just have to get one with bars.
RJ: They ARE real. They’re made by mad scientists and they are VERY useful.
