Crumpled Home

(about to get to work)

Dad: Oh no, RJ! You’re too young for this lego! It says on the box that you have to be nine!

RJ: I’m doing it anyway! Who cares about the law!

(while playing lego together)

Dad: So RJ, if you were at your birthday party and a giant, venomous spider showed up, threatening everyone…

RJ: (curious) Yeah?

Dad: What kind of weapon would you use to fight it? A sword? A spear?

RJ: Well… Hmm… To kill a giant spider,..  I would use… A giant boot!

(LR is sitting at the kitchen counter, checking her email while eating breakfast.)

LR: Hey! I’ve got an email…  from Nature Play?

LR: (reading) Now that the weather is starting to cool a bit, it is a great time to get outside and enjoy a hike. There are heaps of opportunities in March to get out into the bush, so why not give some of these ideas a go…

LR: (snickers to herself as she moves on to the next message) Nice try, Nature Play… Nice try.

We’ve been reading Harry Potter before bedtime.

(while playing together)

RJ: Harry Potter is really good, isn’t it.

LR: Yeah. I didn’t like it for a long time, because everyone else was so crazy about it, but I like it now.

…

RJ: Dad thinks he’s a wizard, doesn’t he.

LR: Yeah, but he’s really just a muggle!

(both kids burst out laughing)

(while playing)

RJ: Look at this, Dad. I’ve got a great invention!

Dad: What is it?

RJ: It’s a ‘Head Box’. Guess what’s inside!

Dad: (feigning confusion) Umm… No idea.

RJ: (opens door and a head falls out) It’s got a head in it!

Dad: Yikes! What’s it for?

RJ: It’s great for when you need to get your heads delivered, but this one has a problem. It’s evil!

Dad: What do you mean?

RJ: Anyone who touches the head turns into someone else!

Dad: Whoah, that’s serious! … So what does a head box do if it doesn’t have the evil problem?

RJ: Well, then it’s just a bone box. You know, for delivering normal bones and stuff.

(watching the kids play ‘Guess Who?‘)

LR: RJ, let’s play again, but this time, you can’t pick Theo.

RJ: Okay. I’ll get someone else this time. (carefully picks someone from the set)

LR: You didn’t pick Theo, did you?

RJ: No.

LR: Because you always pick Theo. You have to pick someone else sometimes.

RJ: It’s definitely someone else. He’s really cool.

LR: (doubtfully) Okay… Does your person have brown eyes?

RJ: (examines his person) Nope. Not brown eyes.

LR: Because Theo has brown eyes and if you picked Theo…

RJ: (indignant) I didn’t pick Theo! My person doesn’t have brown eyes!

(game continues for a few rounds)

RJ: Is your person Anita?

LR: Yes!!! Great job! Is your person Daniel?

RJ: Nope.

LR: Is your person Peter?

RJ: Nope.

LR: Then your person is…

LR: (unflips a few faces) It has to be THEO! RJ! STOP DOING THAT! YOU ALWAYS PICK THEO!

RJ: You got it! It IS Theo!

RJ: (giggling) Theo is the best. He looks just like Charles the Second.

(overheard in the bathroom)

RJ: LR, when I move out, I have an idea so I wont be lonely.

LR: What’s that?

RJ: I think I’ll fall in love and marry a girl and we’ll have a baby boy.

LR: That’s a good idea!

RJ: I know… and… I’ll never make him move out… and we’ll be great friends… and he can stay and live in my house forever.

LR: You definitely wont get lonely then.

RJ: Exactly.

(later that evening)

RJ: Daddy, if you have to live by yourself, my boy and I will come over and visit you so you don’t get lonely. We can all play legos or do computers, whatever you like.

Dad: Awww… Thanks RJ.

(RJ has been concerned lately about what happens when he leaves home… Who is going to make him leave? Why do his parents want him to go away? Where is he going to live? Who is he going to live with? )

(while playing in the backyard)

Dad: Hey guys! What are you up to?

RJ: We’re cooking!

LR: Yeah! We’re playing Masterchef!

Dad: Sounds great… What are you making?

RJ: I made you some onion coffee.

LR: I made some caramel tea.

Dad: (taking a pretend sip of each) Delicious!

RJ: Now you can have some chicken soup.

Dad: Very nice!

LR: And to finish… Lemon meringue pie!

Dad: Fantastic ending. What a great meal, very creative. What prizes are you going to win?

LR: Oh, just a new stove and a fridge or something.

RJ: (excited) And, and, and!!! And some gummy fish!!! and red capsicums!!!

LR & RJ: YEAH!!!!

(while eating dinner)

Dad: I love that song. Maybe I could learn to play it on the piano!

LR: Or on the guitar!

RJ: Or on the ukelele!

LR: Or on the flute!

RJ: Or on the computer!

LR: Or on the drums!

RJ: Or on a violin, but the bow is made from lots of spider webs that are stretched very long on a stick… But you would have to play it very carefully.