Crumpled Home

RJ: Dad, if LR comes back from camp with four legs, big marshmallow lips and a mane and a tale and hooves, do we have to keep her?

Dad: I’m not sure RJ. If she can talk, I think we have to.

RJ: She wont be able to talk, Dad. She’s a horse.

Dad: A horse could be kind of useful. Do you think she could make it up the stairs to her room?

RJ: No way!

Dad: I guess she could stay in the backyard. Mom would be pretty upset if we got rid of her.

RJ: It just wouldn’t work. She would eat all the plants and wouldn’t be able to do her jobs around the house. She’d have to go.

Dad: I guess you’re right. Oh well, I’ll miss her.

RJ: Hey Dad! There’s a worm in the tadpole tank! I think he’s made of ham. He’s got red eyes too. I think he’ll be my pet, called “CheeCheese”.

Dad: What’s he doing?

RJ: Just doing the ham-worm thing. Wiggling around a lot.

(LR wanders over to have a look at the tank)

RJ: LR, I have some sad news.

LR: (sighing) What did you do, RJ?

RJ: Not me! Mum! She had to clean out the tank yesterday. There was too much algae in there. And… well… Remember your favorite tadpole, Goofy?

LR: Yes?

RJ: He got washed away. He’s not in there anymore.

RJ: Mum was really sad about it.

(There are about 15 tadpoles in the tank, all of them identical, and all of them very, very small. No one can tell them apart, and none of them actually went down the drain.)

LR: I don’t believe you. I can see him right over there.

RJ: That’s not him. That’s Gooby. I can tell the difference.

(while eating breakfast, the cat is sitting on the chair in front of the kitchen computer)

RJ: No kitty. No more searching…  Dad! She’s typing into Google again!

Dad: What? What is she searching for now?

RJ: “Will… I… catch… a… bird… today?” Uggh! Kitty! You’re not an outside cat!

Dad: Bad cat! No more Google for you!

RJ: Do you know what is really bad? I saw her watching Youtube last night. She was watching videos about catching birds.

Dad: That cat has no shame!

RJ: I know! And then she went on wikipedia and was searching for endangered species!

Dad: I never thought it would come to this… I guess it’s time to change the password.

RJ: Pick something harder this time.

We’ve looked, but we can’t find this one anywhere.

Click to enlarge.

(RJ runs in from outside)

RJ: It’s not good, Dad! Our family has some BIG problems.

Dad: What do you mean?

RJ: Well, I tried to lay the cat down in the dog’s bed.

Dad: No luck?

RJ: She just wont stay in there. She does NOT like it.

Dad: Maybe it’s the smell or something. Weird.

RJ: Yeah! And when I put her in, the dog started freaking out and got out of the bed too! Our family does NOT get along.

The next stage of our adventure brought us to Monkey Mia, where we met some friendly mammals with a taste for seafood and thousands of crustacean squatters before dragged through the ocean from a high speed catamaran. After a hair-raising drive through an extended muddy bog, we made it to Gnaraloo Station, a delightful paradise marred only slightly by a small infestation of surfers and a veritable plague of ecstatic, frisky whales.

After spending the night in Denham, we got up early the next morning and drove to Monkey Mia. Every day, a crowd gathers on the shore to wait for a pod of dolphins who have been fed there, every day, for years.

LR and RJ try to spot them from the jetty.

The water was incredibly still and calm... Dad had the rare chance to get some early morning photography done while waiting.

LR stands knee deep in water as the pod arrives.

One of the park rangers hands over some of the delicious booty.

The kids spent some time snorkelling and exploring the shallow waters of the bay.

LR and RJ discovered hermit crabs near the shore... There were hundreds of them!

LR heads off to collect another handful of crabs!

Mom booked us onto a boat cruise. It was a great way to get out into the bay and see some sharks, turtles, dolphins and perhaps even a dugong.

RJ and Dad rode in the net, trying to spot sharks as we cruised the reefs.

The boat stopped by a pearl oyster farm where we learned the ins and outs of farming pearls. As we watched the presentation, RJ suddenly darted forward between the speaker's legs to save this tiny crab from being stepped on.

RJ had an audience as he practiced his surf moves!

On the ride back, LR and Dad made up their own jokes to entertain themselves.

One of the wild dolphins had great fun riding the bow wave from the boat.

Once we left the reef area and returned to deeper water, the captain loaded the net behind the boat with passengers and took off -- the ultimate ocean cold-tub.

The next morning, we were off again, heading north past Carnarvon and on to Gnaraloo Station. We stopped along the way to watch the blowholes, as whales happily flopped about just off the coast. Despite the best efforts from the blowholes, with deafening roars and tremendous columns of water blasting from the rock, the kids were still way more interested in the tidal pools.

LR did her very best to break her ankle by leaping maniacally from rock to rock across the puddles, but failed miserably.

Gnaraloo Station lies at the end of a dirt track that runs north of Carnarvon. During the Summer, there is so little rain that the track is packed hard and just about any vehicle can make it through. It turns out that during Winter, it’s a bit of a different story.

In our case, torrential rains had come through about three days prior, and the track had been completely flooded. What was left for us was a series of opaque muddy lakes and bogs of thick, sticky, orange mud connected by small sections of track. The owners of the station had put out the official word to the community that only real four-wheel drives should attempt the track, and even then to stick to the ‘chicken-tracks’. Chicken tracks are side tracks, usually weaving deleriously through the bushland for a few hundred metres, that avoid the worst of the bogs and deepest pools. They’ve been amusingly named by the four-wheel drive enthusiasts for those people who chicken out when driving the main track.

When we called the station and informed them about our rear-wheel drive, towing a heavy trailer, they said, “Sure, come on up. You’ll be fine.” We didn’t discover their ‘official’ recommendation until after we got there.

At this point, we had 80 km (50 miles) of this kind of track ahead of us. Every few hundred metres, we would encounter another massive bog which would require getting out and inspecting. We very seriously considered turning around and not continuing on.

We arrived, triumphant, but utterly nervewracked and exhausted. We took our place amongst the four wheel drives and tried to pretend it had been great fun.

At the base of the cliff in front of camp, there's a famous surfing spot. It was pretty spectactular, with great waves rolling in continuously, all day long.

Dog digging competition!!! On your mark, get set, go!

What's that, Mom? The water's a bit cold?

RJ really enjoyed snorkelling too. He spotted all kinds of fish, and thought he had made friends with two, but discovered they were just damselfish trying to scare him away from their algae farm!

At every opportunity, LR hunted for the most precious shells on the sea floor.

At low tide, we could explore the safer sections of the cliff face. There were lots of little caves and rock pools along the way.

We hiked lots of trails around Gnaraloo, climbing cliffs and exploring. It was a terrific place to watch whales happily flop and splash about, with a few showing up every ten minutes or so.

Some awful, terrible, bad parents set an awful, terrible, unsafe example for their children by jumping down into this sea cave to pick up some pretty rocks, and then frantically scrambling out before the waves came crashing into it.

RJ and his new favorite pet... A 'cuddle' fish.

Big news!!! We discovered RJ's first wiggly tooth!

These super cute bearded dragons were everywhere. They were incredibly curious and had absolutely no fear of people, but at the speeds they dart around, they have no reason to be.

Gnaraloo Bay is absolutely stunning -- some of the most spectacular coral and aquatic wildlife in the world, just a metre below the surface of a huge expanse of crystal blue water gently lapping against perfect, white, fine-grained sand, and aside from this amazingly great family that showed up, almost completely deserted.

RJ and LR gathered shells and rocks built an enormous city that spanned the beach.

These huge sand dunes were just a short hike from the campsite.

It took a while to climb to the top; they were bigger than they looked and we were weighed down by an impressive number of dead crabs.

We finally made it to the top, where we watched more whales springing about.

LR and Dad wandered off with their cameras to get some pictures of the surfers. They had to be pretty brave to attempt the entry from the reef into the crashing waves.

The kids made friends with the boys at the neighbouring camp. Ledgy, their dad, even set up a totem tennis set for them, which our kids promptly dominated.

Oh no! Camping hair!!! (and she still looks gorgeous.)

Being wintertime, we were allowed to have a campfire. RJ worked on his marshmallow chargrilling technique.

LR, to Mom's delight, worked on a careful, slow-roasting technique, producing a series of perfectly toasted marshmallows.

Click and explore this map to see where we actually went!

View NorthWest Australia 2011 in a larger map

While we were up at Gingin helping with the yearly wine making, a few cute little arachnids happily made their way across the floor to say, ‘Hi‘. Of course, the kids spotted them before anyone else. At first, we thought one of them had been crushed, but it turns out they are just deceptive little creatures and relish disguising themselves in places where they have the opportunity to attack your toes.

We found a suitable plastic container (one with multiple latches, locks, a secondary containment unit and an airlock) and collected them up so we could have a closer look.

Meet "Stingo", a (hopefully temporary) new addition to our family. We think he is a "Lychas spinatus spinatus", but we haven't identified him properly yet. A lot of people just seem to call them "Little Marbled Scorpions".

Unlike our last pet from Gingin (Mr. Bitey), these guys don’t have a disturbing taste for meat (raw, cooked or still attached to your body). They also don’t inspire the same deep, visceral fear that a vividly-coloured, 8 inch venomous predator with the alarming ability to scale any surface at surprisingly high speeds does… And the legs…. Oh god, so many legs…

We did a little research and discovered that they are terrific for getting rid of garden pests! Amazingly, they are happy to feast on slaters (pill bugs), which our garden beds are always crawling with.

Of course, the inevitable question came from RJ. “I can keep these as pets, right? Forever?”

…

…

…

Four hours later, the car was packed and we were driving home to Perth. As I drove, I had visions of our news friends escaping… Our first clue being a yelp from the dog, then yells from the kids, “The scorpions are out!!!”, followed by a lovely evening by the side of the road unpacking our gear and madly stomping around on the ground, eventually ending with us hitching a ride back, our car abandoned on the side of the road with a rough sign in the window, “Danger!!! SCORPIONS!!!!”

Fortunately, we made it home without a problem.

So… We’ve adopted three “Little Marbled Scorpions” for at least a week, just to see how they do. RJ can be responsible for finding food for them, and he’s already named them: “Fango”, “Stingo” and “Pinchers”. Unfortunately, they are venomous.

We wont be bringing them out for cuddles or playtime, but we have Bob for that.

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Based on the design and a conversation with RJ about his latest lego construction. H/T to Horrible Histories and the original Shouty Man.

On the weekend, we took the kids fishing on the beach. The best bait for this area is frozen prawns (similar to shrimp). After throwing a couple of lines in the water, and getting no immediate response from the fish, the kids lost interest. It was time to start building sand castles.

A few minutes later, RJ wandered back over and asked if he could have a prawn to play with for a little while. Unaware of the commitment involved, I agreed.

For the next thirty minutes, that dead crustacean must have been the happiest in the world. He had castles built for him. He was carefully washed in the waves lapping against the shore. He was taken for a splash and boogie boarding in the waves. A bathtub was dug in the sand for him, so that he could relax safely without the risk of being washed away.

No expired decapod crustacean, belonging to the sub-order Dendrobranchiata, has ever been treated so well.

When the time came to pack up and leave the beach, I broke the bad news to RJ.

Dad: RJ. It’s time to go. Prawny can’t come with us.

RJ: But he’s my friend! We have to bring him!

LR: He’s a dead prawn, RJ.

Dad: I’m sorry mate, but he’s a prawn and we’re people… and prawns belong in the ocean, not in a house.

RJ: (pleading) I’ll take really good care of him.

LR: He’s stinky, RJ. He’s gross.

Dad: It’s time to set him free. Let him go in the ocean, where a lovely stingray or other bottom feeder will scoop him up in his mouth and take him for a ride. He’ll be happier there.

(LR giggles)

RJ: (turning on his sister) You’re not allowed to be mean to him! Don’t laugh!

…

RJ: (sighing) Okay… (walks down to the ocean and gently releases Prawny) Goodbye Prawny!!!

We returned home and RJ was uncharacteristically quiet. After walking through the door, his eyes brimming with tears, RJ told mum about his friend and everything that had happened.

To her credit, she managed to keep a straight face.

“I loved him. Even though he was smelly and dead, I still loved him.”
RJ, age 4

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: Scarlet’s feet are clicking… Click click click.

Dad: Is that a problem?

RJ: Yes. It reminds me of giant spiders walking around the house… Giant spiders that eat people.

Dad: Maybe we could train one. We could have it as a pet!

RJ: No. That’s not a good idea.

Dad: Why not?

RJ: Because Grammy doesn’t mind little spiders, but she would be scared of a giant spider and she would freak out.

Dad: Fair enough. Can’t say I’d blame her.