Crumpled Home

(while eating lunch)

Teacher: Hi RJ! We’re going to be talking about paint today and where it comes from. Do you have any ideas on how to make paint?

RJ: (nonchalantly) Oh yeah. You just need some eye dust and then some blood and then you mix it together and put it all over your hands and you can make handprints.

Teacher: So what colour would that paint be?

RJ: Red… Dark red.

Teacher: That’s a pretty good idea. What about if you wanted some other colour though?

RJ: (thinking) Hmm…

RJ: You just need different coloured eye dust!

Teacher: But where do you get coloured eye dust from?

RJ: Easy! From eyeballs… from dead people!

In the art gallery, in front of a giant (5×3 metres – 17×10 ft) Aboriginal painting.

LR: I see the problem. My paintings have all been too small.

A few minutes later…

LR: Mum, I think that I can’t paint very well because I have the wrong brushes and paints. You’ve only given me kid stuff. Let’s go to the shop and get real artists’ paints and brushes and a big canvas.

At the art shop, faced with a wall of colours (each $7).

Mum: Uh-oh. How are we going to figure out which ones you need?
Art Shop Lady: That’s okay. Get a colour wheel. Just buy the primary colours and white and black and you can make any colour.
Mum: Great!
LR: What’s a primary colour?
Art Shop Lady: It’s a colour that you can’t make from any other colours. Red, yellow and blue are the primary colours.
LR: How do you make red?
Art Shop Lady: You use chemicals.
LR: How did they make the first red?
Art Shop Lady: Umm…I don’t know. (calls over another lady)
Art Shop Lady 2: Well, you can use iron oxides or berries to make different shades of red. Or cochineal from beetles.
LR: Oh. But how did that red get made?
Mum: (stepping in at the looks on the ladies’ faces) That’s a good question. Let’s look that up. Or we’ll ask Grammie. She knows everything about art. (That’s called passing the buck)

As LR and Mum are leaving the shop, the first lady comes over, puts her hand on Mum’s shoulder and says “You poor thing.”