Crumpled Home » mushrooms

If you can’t trust the cook…

Luke — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 03:07:50 +0000

(while eating dinner)

RJ: (after carefully studying his plate for a minute, spears a mushroom on his fork and holds it up) Is this a safe one?

Mom: Yes. It’s definitely safe.

RJ: Well… How do you know?

Mom: Because we bought it at the shops and they only sell edible mushrooms there.

RJ: What kind is it?

Mom: It’s just a normal button mushroom. Eat it!

RJ: (quiet pause) Here Mum, just have a little bite. Tell me what you think.

Mom: No, RJ. I will not be your personal food tester. Five year olds aren’t at risk of assassination.

RJ: (turns to Dad) Dad?

Dad: (sighing) If I must…

(Dad puts the mushroom into his mouth, chews for a moment, then dramatically falls to the floor, clutching throat, moaning, gurgling and convulsing, then becomes still. RJ cheers and starts jumping on his back… until Dad gives in and returns to the table.)

Mom: RJ, sit down and EAT!

Mom: (turning to Dad) Nice example, honey.

Dad: I know, I know. Totally inappropriate… Parenting FAIL, but dramatic overacting WIN!

Zombie, zombie, zombie, zombie, mushroom, MUSHROOM!

Luke — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 03:07:36 +0000

(while getting ready for the day)

RJ: I know what to do if zombies come… I’ve got a poison mushroom and when they eat it, then they’ll really be dead.

Dad: But RJ, there’s a problem. Zombies don’t eat mushrooms, they eat…

RJ: BRAAAAAAIINNNZZZZ…

Dad: Yeah. So there’s the problem.

RJ: Not a problem… I’ll just put some brains inside the mushroom so that they want to eat it.

Dad: That’ll work, except for one thing. Where are you going to get the brains from?

RJ: Another zombie!

Dad: Isn’t that dangerous?

RJ: Sure, but I can use rope. If I throw it like a lasso, and tie him up, then I get its brains out safely!

Dad: Just watch out for that zombie blood.

RJ: Yes, I will have to be very careful. After that, I will put some traps by the front door… Actually, a lot of traps.

Dad: What kind of traps work on zombies?

RJ: I will have a glue shooter first, so they get stuck and can’t move very fast, then a boomerang shooting gun and a light saber shooting gun. That will get rid of all of them.

Dad: And after that? What will you do with the huge pile of dead zombies in the doorway. That’s going to be a BIG problem.

RJ: That’s easy! I’ll just put them in the garden afterwards. Dead zombies are very good for plants.

And if you eat a piece from this side…

Luke — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 03:07:05 +0000

(while getting ready for school in the morning)

Dad: RJ! Where are you? Time to get dressed.

RJ: (hiding under umbrella) There is no RJ here!

Dad: Okay. Whoever is under that umbrella must get dressed now!

RJ: There is no umbrella here!

Dad: What are you then?

RJ: I’m a talking mushroom! Boop boop! Hello!

Let’s Be Explorers

Luke — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:36:08 +0000

RJ: Let’s be explorers!

Dad: Yeah! We can go and discover new lands.

RJ: We have to protect the children.

Dad: Um… Okay. Let’s go!

RJ: We have to be sneaky and watch out for the weasel. It will eat us!

Dad: That dastardly weasel! Let’s hide behind these reeds.

RJ: No! Let’s hide under this mushroom.

Dad: (attempting to hide behind mushroom) Okay.

RJ: Oh no! Two weasels!

One weasel is bad enough...

August, 2009 Photo Update

Luke — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 23:18:31 +0000

A few fun things went on this week. RJ had an inspired piano session. Whales stopped by to say hello. LR put her camera through its paces and someone had another birthday.

Sir Elton, Where are you?

RJ cranking out some great tunes.

“And the piano, it sounds like a carnival!”

Humpback Sighting!

We’ve had a series of humpback whales stop for a play near our house over the past few weeks.

How about from up here?

LR and Dad went photo-exploring!

Got ‘em!

Mushrooms make for some great photos.

100001 Birthday Wishes

Someone had another birthday… Sing along everyone!