Crumpled Home

(at the dinner table)

Dad: So what happened at your school today, RJ?

RJ: I took my whip scorpion into school and showed it to everybody.

Dad: Great! Did you teach the class all about them?

RJ: Yep! But it was terrible. No one asked any questions! … except for Harry.

Dad: What did he ask?

RJ: He asked if whip scorpions lived in England and I told him, “NO! They only live in Perth. There are lots of them and live in the roof of your house.”

We’re expecting the phone calls from the other parents to start any day now…

Your child is having nightmares about giant insects living in your roof?

What a surprise!”

Despite the hot weather, we made it up to Gingin for the grape harvest, but Grammy, Poppa, Kath and Brad had already picked all the grapes and crushed them the day before we got there! We made the most of it anyway, picking a lot of figs and table grapes that were ready to eat. Mum cooked up some fig jam and we had a big sewing ’sesh’ during the heat of the day, before going for an explore out in the paddock.

Our incredibly brave**, heroic** and good-looking** dad rescued us from this marauding beast** that had been ransacking the countryside and was intent on destroying the farm.

We found this guy having a drink from the dog's water bowl. He's a bobtail lizard which are pretty common around here.

**Hyperbole employed as official privilege of the author

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Last weekend, we took another trip down south — this time much shorter, but still lots of fun. We went exploring a Karri forest, visited a wildlife park and climbed some huge rocks.

Not siblings... Just friends. These are three of the many rescued joeys at the wildlife park.

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(LR wanders into Dad’s study, looking very proud of herself…)

LR: I wish mum would talk to me.

Dad: (confused) What? She’s always willing to talk to you, provided she’s not trying to get you guys out the door or something.

LR: (grinning) No, I just wish mum would talk to me.

Dad: I’m sorry your mother wont talk to you…?

LR: But mum wont talk… she just mumbles.

(Over the weekend, I introduced the kids to some Monty Python sketches, which RJ really seemed to enjoy. This may not have been a good idea…)

Dad: What do you want in your sandwiches, guys?

RJ: Toasty cheese!

LR: Ham, Cheese and tomato, please!

Dad: Okay. Toasty cheese for RJ. And for LR, ham, cheese, tomato and spam… without the spam in it.

LR: No spam! Stop talking about spam!

RJ: Spam! I love spam! I’m having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam…

LR: (yelling, upset) BUT I DON’T LIKE SPAM!

RJ: (yelling, ecstatic)… spam, spam, spam, spam. Spammity spam! Wonderful Spam!

Dad & RJ: (yelling together) SHUT UP YOU VIKINGS!

LR & Mum: Please stop now? Please?

RJ: Mummy, can I tell you something?

Mum: Sure, RJ. What is it?

RJ: (worried) When I grow up, promise that I can go and live at Grammy’s house, with Grammy.

Mum: No, RJ. When you grow up, you’ll probably have to live in your own house.

RJ: But I can’t build a house! I don’t know how!

Mum: You don’t have to build it yourself, you pay someone else to build it for you.

RJ: But I don’t have a wallet with any money in it!

Mum: You’ll have to get a job, so you can earn some money.

RJ: But I can’t do anything!!!

Mum: That’s why you go to school, to learn that stuff.

RJ: But they don’t teach us about jobs there!!!

Australia Day (January 26th) is a national holiday, similar to the 4th of July in the states, with the major (tragic) difference being that we can’t buy explosive devices at the shop just around the corner. We tend to go to the beach, eat a lot of barbequed food, and in most towns and cities there are big fireworks displays.

RJ getting his snack on, just before we head out the door.

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(After finishing the last scene of Romeo and Juliet during bedtime reading…)

LR: So she just stabbed herself?!

Mum: Yeah.

LR: Well, that was stupid!

Mum: Mmmm?

LR: He’s just a boy! Let him drink poison. Who cares?!

Mum: Well, she really loved him.

LR: There are lots of boys.

Mum: True. Pretty stupid.

Maybe we’ll skip the romantic tragedies for a little while…

LR: Look at the picture on the dog shampoo bottle. The dog is washing itself like it’s a human. It even has human hands!

Mum: That’s called anthropomorphising. When you make an animal seem like a human… Like by making it talk or making it look like it’s having a bubble bath.

RJ: Yeah… Because it has a robot inside it to make it move.

(LR and  mum look at him in puzzlement)

RJ: Like at the museum. The dinosaurs in the exhibition move because they’re anthropomorphitronic.

(mum and LR still confused)

Mum: (has a sudden thought) Do you mean the animatronic dinosaurs?

RJ: Yeah… Animatronic. They move like people.

We took a bit of a break last week and head off to the Southwest. It was very relaxing and the weather was just fantastic. The days were filled with horse riding, beach trips, exploring and even a couple of fishing trips.

Grammy and Poppa were there with the Melbourne cousins for the first couple of days, but couldn’t stay the whole time.

Grammy, LR, RJ and Daddy checked out Ngilgi cave. This huge room is called the amphitheatre and has great accoustics (especially for people who appreciate yelling children).

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