Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! We hope all you Mom’s had a terrific day. Around here, the kids woke up early, putting together a great breakfast for Mom and tried to let her have a quiet, relaxing morning — before going on their normal weekend rampage.
Wow!!!! LR cooked up a huge batch of waffles and arranged this delicious breakfast for Mum! I'm really looking forward to Father's day.
(At the end of a long day)
Dad: You look worn out. Long day?
Mom: Yeah. Exhausted.
RJ: Poor Mum. She always works so hard.
Mom: I need a job where I’m not at a computer all day. It’s soul destroying.
RJ: (suddenly REALLY interested / concerned) Cell destroying!!? How does that work? Do they get exploded?
(Leaving the kids’ for a sleep over at Auntie Jess’ place…)
Mom: RJ, be good. And remember your manners please.
RJ: Sure thing! I’m always good.
Mom: Uh huh. And LR, for goodness sake make Auntie Jess WANT to have children one day!
LR: Cute and cuddly, Mum! Cute and cuddly!
(After rearranging some furniture)
Mom: So what do you think of your new desk, RJ?
RJ: It’s great! I just had to add a few skulls to it and now it’s perfect.
Let's get down to business!
(while eating dinner)
RJ: Mom, does the wind suck the colour out of the world during the night?
Mom: Well, no. But that’s a really poetic way of looking at things. Why do you ask?
RJ: No reason.
(while getting into bed)
Dad: Hey RJ, why were you asking about colours during dinner?
RJ: Well, one night, I left a poster that I coloured in next to my window… and you know how my window is always open? Well it was super windy and everything was just blowing everywhere. When I woke up the next morning all the colours in my poster were gone. It was really weird.
Dad: That is strange… I really liked your idea, though, even if it wasn’t right.
RJ: I’m really glad it’s not right.
Dad: Why?
RJ: My dragon mosaic that I made today is outside… on the table… and it’s starting to get windy.
Your eyes are closed. It’s completely dark. You know you should be asleep but something has woken you. You lay still and listen…
It’s quiet, or about as quiet as it ever gets around here. The peaceful hum of the fan and the snoring of your husband fill the room, but you’re used to that… There’s something else… Someone breathing. Close breathing. Really close breathing… on your face?!
You snap your eyes open and his face is RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!
Mom: Yeaaargh!!!!
RJ: MOM! It’s not fair! You guys get to sleep in the big bed ALL NIGHT LONG! Why do I have to sleep in my bed? You have so much room! You always say sharing is good and families have to share but you’re not sharing! You are always just sleeping in your bed and you never…
(while eating dinner)
RJ: (after carefully studying his plate for a minute, spears a mushroom on his fork and holds it up) Is this a safe one?
Mom: Yes. It’s definitely safe.
RJ: Well… How do you know?
Mom: Because we bought it at the shops and they only sell edible mushrooms there.
RJ: What kind is it?
Mom: It’s just a normal button mushroom. Eat it!
RJ: (quiet pause) Here Mum, just have a little bite. Tell me what you think.
Mom: No, RJ. I will not be your personal food tester. Five year olds aren’t at risk of assassination.
RJ: (turns to Dad) Dad?
Dad: (sighing) If I must…
(Dad puts the mushroom into his mouth, chews for a moment, then dramatically falls to the floor, clutching throat, moaning, gurgling and convulsing, then becomes still. RJ cheers and starts jumping on his back… until Dad gives in and returns to the table.)
Mom: RJ, sit down and EAT!
Mom: (turning to Dad) Nice example, honey.
Dad: I know, I know. Totally inappropriate… Parenting FAIL, but dramatic overacting WIN!
(reading to the kids in the car)
Dad: … Dun dun daaaaaaaaahhhhhhh… That’s the end of the chapter guys.
LR: Daddy! Read more!
RJ: Yeah, keep going!
Dad: We’re almost there. It’s time to stop.
LR: If you stop now, I will not be pleased. There will be consequences, Daddy… Consequences.
RJ: Yeah! You better keep reading! I’m reaching my limit…
LR: (dramatically) CONSEQUENCES!
RJ: … and you wont like me when I reach my limit. I’m just like Mom!
Dad: True. Normally, Mom is just lovely to be around…
Mom: (dark, foreboding look)
Dad: … But it’s never safe to be around Mom when she’s reached her limit.
Mom: (darker, more threatening look)
Dad: I guess I’m pushing the limit, right now.
LR: CONSEQUENCES!!!!!
RJ: I’m getting to my limit, Daddy! I’m warning you!
LR: !!! CONSEQUENCES !!!!!
RJ: !!! LIMITS !!!
Dad: Okay… Okay… A few more pages then.
Do not push his limits, or there will be consequences!
(while eating dinner)
RJ: Can I have some more lamb, please?
Mom: Eat some salad first. You haven’t even eaten any pine nuts, and you love those.
RJ: I can’t eat that!
Mom: Why not?
RJ: Because that pine nut is the God of Victory! I’m still praying to him.
Mom: Well you’re not getting anything else to eat until you eat those.
LR: Don’t worry about that one, RJ, there’s about twenty more gods on your plate right there… I’ve eaten all the gods on my plate, and they were great!
Dad: So what have your gods done for you lately, RJ?
RJ: Well… They helped me at the beach today?
Dad: Really? How?
RJ: I didn’t get eaten by a shark! They kept all the sharks away.
Dad: Good point. I guess they kept all the thunderstorms and earthquakes away too.
RJ: (Bows head and prays to the pine nut). Yep. They’re powerful and delicious. (chomp)
With a huge overseas vacation looming, the first half of December was filled with the last days of the school year, some early Christmas celebrations… and a lot of silly hats.
December means the Advent calendar gets brought out. We like to pretend the kids appreciate the tradition and fun puzzles and clues that we leave in there for them...
