Crumpled Home

(while eating dinner)

RJ: Can I have some more lamb, please?

Mom: Eat some salad first. You haven’t even eaten any pine nuts, and you love those.

RJ: I can’t eat that!

Mom: Why not?

RJ: Because that pine nut is the God of Victory! I’m still praying to him.

Mom: Well you’re not getting anything else to eat until you eat those.

LR: Don’t worry about that one, RJ, there’s about twenty more gods on your plate right there… I’ve eaten all the gods on my plate, and they were great!

Dad: So what have your gods done for you lately, RJ?

RJ: Well… They helped me at the beach today?

Dad: Really? How?

RJ: I didn’t get eaten by a shark! They kept all the sharks away.

Dad: Good point. I guess they kept all the thunderstorms and earthquakes away too.

RJ: (Bows head and prays to the pine nut). Yep. They’re powerful and delicious. (chomp)

With a huge overseas vacation looming, the first half of December was filled with the last days of the school year, some early Christmas celebrations… and a lot of silly hats.

December means the Advent calendar gets brought out. We like to pretend the kids appreciate the tradition and fun puzzles and clues that we leave in there for them...

(while driving, in France)

Dad: After a long, long day, we’ve finally returned to the quiet streets of Balma!

(giggling erupts from the back seat)

Mom: The farmers’ market is open again tomorrow. We’ll have to stop by and pick a few things up.

Dad: That was on the main street of Balma, right?

(huge amounts of giggling from the back seat)

Dad: I wonder why they called it Balma, anyway?

(peals of uncontrollable laughter burst from the kids)

Dad: What!? What is so funny back there?

LR: Well… RJ says that Balma…

RJ: Aaaaah!! You just said it!

LR: … is a very, VERY rude word in French.

(while eating breakfast)

Mom: RJ, you can’t eat the last half of the baguette by yourself.

RJ: But I’m really hungry!

Dad: RJ! You have to share it.  Take a smaller piece and leave the big piece alone.

RJ: (in a low, growling voice) If it’s on the plate of eating, it will be devoured.

The good news is that November is over (and we’re exhausted). The bad news is that December is on the way, which is sure to be even busier!

This month we survived a bout of the plague, and went to the city to learn some new skills for Heritage Days. Dad got even older than he used to be and now he’s even older. We built our own shelter and enjoyed a terrific Thanksgiving dinner.

RJ suffered from a horrible bout of chicken pox for a day, but awoke the next morning completely spot free with no symptoms! Vaccine FTW!

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RJ: For Christmas, I want to get my own cat, so I don’t have to share Violet.

Mom: No, RJ. We’ve got one cat and we just share her.

RJ: But I don’t like sharing!

Dad: Why don’t we each pick one part of the cat that we don’t have to share?

Dad: You can have the legs, and LR can have the tail.

LR: Yay! I love her tail!

Dad: Mom can have the head and I’ll have the fuzzy, fuzzy belly. Awwww so cute and fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy and just so fluffy fluffy fluffy.

RJ: But I don’t want just a pair of cat legs! A chopped off pair of cat legs? That’s just gross!!! Dad! Chopping up the cat is a terrible idea!

(while driving)

Dad: (quietly to Mom) What’s he doing now?

Mom: (looking into the back seat) I… I think he’s pulling the legs off his squid?

Dad: He’s being really quiet. He’s really focused on it.

(a few minutes later)

RJ: Hey everyone! Look! LOOK!

RJ: (holds up toy squid by two remaining tentacles and dances it around) I’m Queen Elizabeth! I’m Queen Elizabeth!

(Before school)

Mom: What are you taking in for news today, RJ?

RJ: Can I bring the bow that I made?

Mom: That’s a good idea.

(Later, while walking to school)

RJ: Mom, there’s a rule that says you can’t bring weapons to school.

Mom: (pauses) So do you really think bringing your bow to school was a good idea?

RJ: No… But can we see what my teacher says?

Mom: Okay. We’ll see.

(A few minutes later)

Claire: No, RJ. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

RJ: (getting angry) But!!!

Claire: We have a rule about weapons at school… But you have done such good work on this, let’s take a photo of you with it and then send it home with Mom.

RJ: *explodes*

(Moments later, RJ is outside talking to Mom.)

Mom: You knew the rule, RJ.

RJ: But I made it and I only want to show it for news!

Mom: They can’t have kids bringing weapons to class. It’s not safe.

RJ: (exasperated) But… but… It’s only half a weapon! You can’t even use it without arrows!

Mom: …

Mom: (relenting) You do have a point… You can ask Claire one last time.

(A few minutes later, RJ is happily playing with his friends. The bow sits on the news table waiting for its moment in the spotlight.)

Claire: It looks like we’ve got a little lawyer on our hands.

Mom: (sighing) I know. Do you know anyone who needs a criminal defense lawyer? They can have him for cheap… free even.

We had a great camping weekend planned down at Dwellingup, and had we been equipped with scales, fins and gills we would have had a terrific time. The skies opened up and happily alternated between a torrential downpour and a soaking drizzle for most of the time. Mum held out, despite a leaky tent and the kids tried to make the most of it before Dad took them home early…

LR discovered a passion for playing the guitar. She happily entertained the group as we waited for the rain to pass.

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Carved watermelons and artificial pumpkins are the name of the game around here. Watch out for the gorilla and the monster eyeball in the window too!

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