Crumpled Home

(early morning)

RJ: (whispering) LR… LR, wake up…. LR… Wake up, LR…

LR: What, RJ? What is it?

RJ: I put Mozy in my place next to Dad, where I was. Then I got out of bed.

LR: Shhhh… Good idea!

(a minute later)

Dad: (Yawning and stretching) Good morning, RJ!

(giggling from beside the bed)

Dad: Time to get up. Don’t lay around in bed all day.

(louder giggles)

Dad: It’s a school day today. Better get dressed!

(more giggles)

Dad: Wow, RJ, you’re feeling very fluffy this morning. Your entire face is fuzzy! I think it’s about time you started shaving.

(fits of laughter)

(later, while eating breakfast)

Dad: Come on RJ, eat up a bit faster please.

RJ: Mrrmmmummm mmmm.. Rrrrrmmmmummm oommmmmm…

Dad: I don’t speak mosasaur, RJ. You’ll have to translate.

RJ: Mrrrroomummmmoom… Only spinach… Roommmummmrmmm…

Dad: But I thought mosasaurs were carnivores… They ate fish and things like that…

RJ: Rooomummm… Not today… Mrrrrrmmmmm… On a diet….

(early morning, before anyone else is awake)

RJ: Can I tell you something?

Mom: Mmhmmm.

RJ: You know those bones? Those human bones? In the cave?

Mom: Uh huh.

RJ: They remind me of Lady Gaga.

Mom: (awake now) Really? Why?

RJ: She sleeps with dead people.

(5:30 am, the house is silent, in darkness; a pair of eyes pop open…)

RJ: Mom?

RJ: Excuse me, Mom?

Mom: Mrph.

RJ: Next year? For my birthday? Can I have a kraken piñata?

Mom: Mrph.

RJ: Please?

Mom: Mrph.

RJ: Please? Say yes.

Mom: Yes.

RJ: It has to have tentacles.

Mom: Uh huh.

RJ: And make sure it has suckers on it.

Mom: Sure thing.

(Puts pillow over her head and tries to pretend that RJ isn’t really up for the day.)