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Big investments

Luke — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 03:07:58 +0000

(a few weeks ago)

So RJ just had a massive meltdown, a full-on tantrum. We had the whole deal: screaming, tears, rage and finally just incredibly sad and dejected… The reason this time?

We refused to buy him a book.

Yes, we are cruel, harsh parents and yes, we are aware he’ll always have trouble fitting in with the other kids at school, but we refuse to have silly, made-up stories taking up so much of our childrens’ time. If we let them, they’d spend hours just sitting there on the couch doing absolutely nothing except filling their heads with empty nonsense. Half of the books appear to be filled with advertising anyway, to get you to buy the following books in the series. Mr. Dickens, we are sooooo onto you.

He was desperate to get a new Beast Quest book.

This particular series contains about 60 books and when things have been going smoothly at home, we’ll pick one up from the bookstore. He has been working through these for a while now. Most nights before bed, we’ll take turns reading a few pages with him. The problem is that as new stories arrive, the excitement leads to the older ones being set aside. At this point in time, he had five books that he was working through concurrently.

Our response? Before you can get another one, you have to finish reading one of the ones you already have first.

This is justifiable. Because of a government mandated cartel, paperback books in Australia cost about $15 each. It’s amazing anyone here actually knows what a book is at all. Books bought from overseas are significantly cheaper, but the shipping costs add up and honestly, the Beast Quest books are not quite as exciting as RJ would have you believe.

At that, the fireworks began. For thirty minutes, the house shook as we suffered the wrath. the fury and even a stint of unbridled rage. But Mom held her ground: resolute, adamant. No. New. Books.

Eventually, RJ appeared again on the other side. He wiped his eyes, quietly got up, and disappeared into the playroom. He had a new plan.

At times like this we’re never sure what to do. Obviously, the kids need time to themselves to recover and that’s sure to happen faster if they’re engaged in something. But what if they’re engaged in creating something out of revenge – - an attempt to strike back at the draconian power mongers running the house? Who knows what kind of twisted lego monstrosities and cardboard weapons could be waiting for us?

RJ worked intently for about ten minutes, then appeared with a quick question:

RJ: Dad? How many zeros are there in a million?

Dad: Six. It’s a one, followed by six zeroes. Do you want some help?

RJ: Nope. It’s okay.

He disappeared back to the desk in the playroom.

Ten minutes later, he returned to confront his nemesis:

RJ: (Hands Mom a few small rectangles of paper with drawings on one side and writing on the other) Here you go, Mom.

Mom: What’s this RJ?

RJ: It’s money. That’s three million. It is enough to buy all of the books. You can keep the money that’s left over.

Mom: I love it, RJ. You’ve put so much effort into these, and you’ve got the right numbers on it and even drawings of heads on the other side. Well done!

RJ: So you can get me the books now, right?

Mom: No, RJ. Remember what I said? No books until you…

RJ: (explodes)

This time, even the neighbourhood trembled as his fists pounded relentless blasts of anger and fury through the foundations of our house.

More time passed and rather than schedule the entire day around not going to the bookstore, Mom opted to take LR and a friend out to lunch. The original plan had been to bring the whole family, but Mr YouWillAllSufferMyWrath was not going to cooperate on that front.

After they left, RJ turned to me, his counterfeit notes still clutched in his hand:

RJ: Dad, I worked so hard on these.

Dad: I know, RJ. It wasn’t about how much work you put in. We love the money you made.

RJ: They were all special!

Dad: I know! They’re great! But… Mom is just sticking to the deal that you made, and to get more books, you have to finish one of the ones you have first. That’s just the way it is.

RJ: It’s not fair!

Dad: Why don’t we grab one of the books now and finish reading it?

RJ: No!!!!

He curled up in my lap and sobbed for a bit longer, eventually stopping and resting quietly against my chest. A moment or two passed, and he jumped up again and ran back into the playroom. I waited a few minutes, then peeked my head around the corner to see what he was up to.
Carefully laid out in front of him was another fifteen, one million dollar notes that he had cut out and was detailing. Surely Mom couldn’t resist fifteen million dollars — no one could turn down an offer like that!

The rest of the day did not go well at all. Mom arrived home and he excitedly presented his massive pile of cash to receive another appreciative, but ultimately negative, response to his offer. Lots of attempts were made to sit down and read through some of his books, to fulfill his side of the deal, but all of them were turned down. Things didn’t really return to normal with the books until a couple of days later, when we could start reading with him again.

What’s was most surprising about this was his resolution strategy… Just like everything he does, his approach is intense and all-consuming. If things don’t work, rather than cooperating, he’ll escalate things and try again. And if that doesn’t work, he’ll kick it up to the next level. In his world, when it comes to something he cares about, there is no room for compromise, backing down or cooperation.

Look out world.

The drastic tactics of tragic magic

Luke — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 03:07:59 +0000

RJ: Hey Dad! Can you push this for me?

Dad: (Pushes part of springy elastic toy) Sure. What does it do?

RJ: When it pops back out, you get a wish. It can turn into anything you want! Watch…

RJ: I wish for… a laser blaster. (PoP!) See? Isn’t it great? Your turn!

Dad: Okay… I wish for a flying spike shooter!

RJ: (PoP!) There! Now maybe someday you’ll get a flying spike shooter.

Dad: That’s surprisingly vague… Can I try again? I want to try wishing for a huge box of money!

RJ: No, sorry. It only turns into weapons.

Dad: How about a gun that shoots bundles of money?

RJ: (sighs, disappointed) That’s not a very good weapon, Dad.

Dad: How about a gun that shoots bundles of money that are so big that they squash bad guys.

RJ: (brightening up) Yeah! That’ll work! (PoP!)

She gets it… maybe a bit too well

Luke — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 03:07:13 +0000

(in the car)

LR: I think maybe someday I would like to run a shop.

Dad: What kind of shop?

LR: I’m not sure.

Dad: Selling things that you like and know a lot about is a good idea.

LR: So maybe… horse things?

Dad: Sure. That could be a really useful place.

LR: But how does it work? Where do shops get the things to sell?

Dad: As a shop owner, you call up the people who make the stuff and you buy it from them. After you’ve got it in your shop, you put it on the shelves and sell it.

LR: But there’s a problem… How do you get money? If you sell something and get some money, then you have to buy something else to sell… You don’t have any money left over!

Dad: Good point, but there’s a trick to it. If you bought some riding boots for $10, you could sell them in your shop for more than that… for $20. You get to keep the extra.

LR: There’s another problem right there.

Dad: What do you mean?

LR: No one is going to buy boots for $20!

Dad: You might have to sell them for less than that, then.

LR: No. We have to sell them for more… We just need to have some ads to make them want to buy them.

Existential nightmares at 3

Luke — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 03:07:50 +0000

RJ: Mummy, can I tell you something?

Mum: Sure, RJ. What is it?

RJ: (worried) When I grow up, promise that I can go and live at Grammy’s house, with Grammy.

Mum: No, RJ. When you grow up, you’ll probably have to live in your own house.

RJ: But I can’t build a house! I don’t know how!

Mum: You don’t have to build it yourself, you pay someone else to build it for you.

RJ: But I don’t have a wallet with any money in it!

Mum: You’ll have to get a job, so you can earn some money.

RJ: But I can’t do anything!!!

Mum: That’s why you go to school, to learn that stuff.

RJ: But they don’t teach us about jobs there!!!