Crumpled Home

(while reading a bedtime story)

Dad: … “It’s that nickel I found, only it isn’t a nickel! It’s a magic charm…” … Hang on guys, do you know what a nickel is?

LR & RJ: Yeeeesssss…

Dad: LR, what do you think it is?

LR: It’s a type of metal, right?

Dad: That’s right. But it’s also one of these… RJ, any ideas?

RJ: (confidently) It’s kind of a small metal tooth — very detailed.

Dad: Uhhh… What?! Nevermind.
It’s a 5 cent coin from America. They used to make them out of nickel because it’s hard and stays shiny.

RJ & LR: Ohhhh!!!

(a few weeks ago)

So RJ just had a massive meltdown, a full-on tantrum. We had the whole deal: screaming, tears, rage and finally just incredibly sad and dejected… The reason this time?

We refused to buy him a book.

Yes, we are cruel, harsh parents and yes, we are aware he’ll always have trouble fitting in with the other kids at school, but we refuse to have silly, made-up stories taking up so much of our childrens’ time. If we let them, they’d spend hours just sitting there on the couch doing absolutely nothing except filling their heads with empty nonsense. Half of the books appear to be filled with advertising anyway, to get you to buy the following books in the series. Mr. Dickens, we are sooooo onto you.

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RJ: Hey Dad! Can you push this for me?

Dad: (Pushes part of springy elastic toy) Sure. What does it do?

RJ: When it pops back out, you get a wish. It can turn into anything you want! Watch…

RJ: I wish for… a laser blaster. (PoP!) See? Isn’t it great? Your turn!

Dad: Okay… I wish for a flying spike shooter!

RJ: (PoP!) There! Now maybe someday you’ll get a flying spike shooter.

Dad: That’s surprisingly vague… Can I try again? I want to try wishing for a huge box of money!

RJ: No, sorry. It only turns into weapons.

Dad: How about a gun that shoots bundles of money?

RJ: (sighs, disappointed) That’s not a very good weapon, Dad.

Dad: How about a gun that shoots bundles of money that are so big that they squash bad guys.

RJ: (brightening up) Yeah! That’ll work! (PoP!)

(in the car)

LR: I think maybe someday I would like to run a shop.

Dad: What kind of shop?

LR: I’m not sure.

Dad: Selling things that you like and know a lot about is a good idea.

LR: So maybe… horse things?

Dad: Sure. That could be a really useful place.

LR: But how does it work? Where do shops get the things to sell?

Dad: As a shop owner, you call up the people who make the stuff and you buy it from them. After you’ve got it in your shop, you put it on the shelves and sell it.

LR: But there’s a problem… How do you get money? If you sell something and get some money, then you have to buy something else to sell… You don’t have any money left over!

Dad: Good point, but there’s a trick to it. If you bought some riding boots for $10, you could sell them in your shop for more than that… for $20. You get to keep the extra.

LR: There’s another problem right there.

Dad: What do you mean?

LR: No one is going to buy boots for $20!

Dad: You might have to sell them for less than that, then.

LR: No. We have to sell them for more… We just need to have some ads to make them want to buy them.

RJ: Mummy, can I tell you something?

Mum: Sure, RJ. What is it?

RJ: (worried) When I grow up, promise that I can go and live at Grammy’s house, with Grammy.

Mum: No, RJ. When you grow up, you’ll probably have to live in your own house.

RJ: But I can’t build a house! I don’t know how!

Mum: You don’t have to build it yourself, you pay someone else to build it for you.

RJ: But I don’t have a wallet with any money in it!

Mum: You’ll have to get a job, so you can earn some money.

RJ: But I can’t do anything!!!

Mum: That’s why you go to school, to learn that stuff.

RJ: But they don’t teach us about jobs there!!!