(during a family lunch with everyone sitting at the dinner table)
Poppa: So does anyone want to get up and fetch me a glass of water?
(no volunteers)
Poppa: (gets up and walks into the kitchen) I guess I’ll get it myself.
LR: (with mock dismay) How come Poppa has to do all of the work around here?
(Over the weekend, I introduced the kids to some Monty Python sketches, which RJ really seemed to enjoy. This may not have been a good idea…)
Dad: What do you want in your sandwiches, guys?
RJ: Toasty cheese!
LR: Ham, Cheese and tomato, please!
Dad: Okay. Toasty cheese for RJ. And for LR, ham, cheese, tomato and spam… without the spam in it.
LR: No spam! Stop talking about spam!
RJ: Spam! I love spam! I’m having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam…
LR: (yelling, upset) BUT I DON’T LIKE SPAM!
RJ: (yelling, ecstatic)… spam, spam, spam, spam. Spammity spam! Wonderful Spam!
Dad & RJ: (yelling together) SHUT UP YOU VIKINGS!
LR & Mum: Please stop now? Please?
(RJ walks in with a mesh bag over his head)
RJ: I’m a helping robot. I do everything you say!
Dad: I LOVE THIS ROBOT!!!
… (later)
Dad: So, Robot, what do you do for fun?
RJ: We play robot games. Robot hide and seek. Robot chasing. Switch on switch off.
Dad: And do you have to eat food?
RJ: Yes. I am hungry.
Dad: What do you eat?
RJ: (deviously) Only robot lollypops and robot chocolate.
Dad: Bad news, Robot. We don’t have those, anything else?
RJ: (sighing) Sometimes we can eat robot peanut butter sandwiches.
RJ: I’m eating bot fly larva,mum.
Mum: Mmmhmm. That’s nice.
RJ: Now I’m eating tape worms.
Mum: Uh huh.…
RJ: I can feel the eggs hatching.
Mum: Pass the fruit.
RJ: I need more food. They’re taking all my nutrients.
LR: THAT’S IT! HE’S GROSS! I’m done with lunch. (stomps off)
RJ: Well, that was easy. How was your day, mum?
