Crumpled Home

LR: Why did the elephant paint his feet yellow?

Because he wanted to hide upside down in the custard!

LR: Why did the elephant paint himself purple, with a green face?

Because he wanted to hide in the purple carrot patch!

RJ: Why was the ship missing?

Because the Kraken already smashed it!

LR: What is a slug?

A snail with a housing problem!

RJ: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Mum: Why did the fish cross the playground?

To get to the other tide!

LR: Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!

LR: What’s the scariest flower in the garden?

A dandelion!

Dad: What’s the scariest flower in the whole world?

A daisy. With a lion hiding behind it!

The latest on the Kraken, courtesy of RJ and his “Kraken Joke Book”.

Q: Why did the Kraken cross the ocean?

A: To go and eat a pot.

Q: Why did the Kraken have big teeth?

A: Because he was a carnivore.

Q: Why did the Kraken smash the ship?

A: Because he was the Master of the Ocean.

Q: Why did the Kraken jump over the moon?

A: Because he wanted to eat a cow!

Just another day in the life of a giant, destructive sea creature.

RJ’s latest obsession has been the Kraken. After reading about it we’ve had endless discussions about it’s motivations, strengths, weaknesses and fears. We’ve formulated a fairly thorough escape plan on the off chance that we ever encounter one, although he is consistently reassuring me that they’re just in stories and movies “so boats are still safe for us”. After considering the multiple correct pronunciations provided by wikipedia, he settled on one and diligently corrects everyone who mispronounces it. He’s insisted that I find some video of it attacking a ship.

We’ve got some colouring in pages printed out, although they weren’t good enough because there weren’t any people on the ship and you couldn’t see the Kraken’s head. Apparently he needs to see the fear and panic of the sailors, as well as the brutal malevolence in the beast’s eyes to do it justice.