Crumpled Home

(LR heads downstairs, almost in tears)

LR: I just whacked my elbow on the door and it really hurts. It feels really weird — buzzy.

Dad: Let’s have a look… Oh yeah. That would be your funny bone. There’s a spot there where you can easily whack the nerve and it feels awful. Not very funny at all.

RJ: (yelling from across the room) I’ll show you MY funny bone! Mine is really funny.

Dad: Okay. Show it to us!

RJ: (spins around) … IT’S…

RJ: (bends over, waving his backside at the room) … RIGHT …

RJ: (and starts whacking his rear end) … HERE!

RJ: This is Spinaxy. He’s a Tri-Horn; their favorite food is blood and they are VERY dangerous.

RJ: They are super tough and you can’t hurt them. The only way to kill them is to shoot them in the mouth with a gold gun and a silver gun, at the same time.

Dad: So how do you get them to open their mouth?

RJ: You have to tell them the funniest joke in the whole world and then you can shoot them. You just better hope they laugh.

Beware Spinaxy the Tri-Horn!!!

(while getting ready for school)

RJ: … But I need to wear all grey!

Mum: You can wear your grey tracky pants and a grey t-shirt.

RJ: That’s GRAAAAAY-TE! (runs off amidst a gale of giggling)

(LR wanders into Dad’s study, looking very proud of herself…)

LR: I wish mum would talk to me.

Dad: (confused) What? She’s always willing to talk to you, provided she’s not trying to get you guys out the door or something.

LR: (grinning) No, I just wish mum would talk to me.

Dad: I’m sorry your mother wont talk to you…?

LR: But mum wont talk… she just mumbles.

LR: Why did the elephant paint his feet yellow?

Because he wanted to hide upside down in the custard!

LR: Why did the elephant paint himself purple, with a green face?

Because he wanted to hide in the purple carrot patch!

RJ: Why was the ship missing?

Because the Kraken already smashed it!

LR: What is a slug?

A snail with a housing problem!

RJ: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Mum: Why did the fish cross the playground?

To get to the other tide!

LR: Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!

LR: What’s the scariest flower in the garden?

A dandelion!

Dad: What’s the scariest flower in the whole world?

A daisy. With a lion hiding behind it!