Crumpled Home

RJ: Dad, if LR comes back from camp with four legs, big marshmallow lips and a mane and a tale and hooves, do we have to keep her?

Dad: I’m not sure RJ. If she can talk, I think we have to.

RJ: She wont be able to talk, Dad. She’s a horse.

Dad: A horse could be kind of useful. Do you think she could make it up the stairs to her room?

RJ: No way!

Dad: I guess she could stay in the backyard. Mom would be pretty upset if we got rid of her.

RJ: It just wouldn’t work. She would eat all the plants and wouldn’t be able to do her jobs around the house. She’d have to go.

Dad: I guess you’re right. Oh well, I’ll miss her.

It’s a little quiet at home right now. LR is away at horse riding camp and the normal level of intensity at our place has dropped a bit – although only a little bit, the RJ reality distortion field is still fully operational.

Pony camp is an amazing place — I get all fluttery just thinking about it — a magical land where you spend all day riding horses, cleaning and scrubbing horses, feeding horses, and (be still my beating heart) shoveling horse manure and cleaning out stalls. Mom insists that this is little girl heaven, but I’m not totally convinced.

For the first time in her life, she has ‘her own’ mobile phone with her (it’s a spare that we’ve borrowed from Poppa for the week). We told her it’s just for emergencies or if something goes wrong and she needs to talk to us. After giving her one or two instructions on how to use it, we carefully put it in her backpack and waved goodbye.

Five hours later, while deep in the middle of one of my projects,  I was interrupted by an unexpected phone call… from LR and a room full of 7 year old girls suffering some kind of ‘emergency’ involving a large amount of giggling. Apparently, she had to test to see if the phone was still working properly…

Regardless, I’m looking forward to having her back when she gets home… as long as she leaves her boots outside.

Just before she left, she drew this on the fridge for us.

The fridge cow will keep you company while LR is away.

RJ: (sighing) I’m going to be so busy when I grow up.

Dad: Really? What are you going to be doing?

RJ: You know!!!

Dad: (uncertain) Yeah, but… which job? You’ve told me a few.

RJ: I’m going to be a warrior and fight monsters!

Dad: Oh yeah! So there will be a lot of demand for warriors and monster hunters in the future?

RJ: Definitely.

Dad: In that case, there should be good money in it for you. How much do monster hunters get paid?

RJ: Oh about a thousand dollars…

Dad: For each monster? Hmm… I thought it would be more than that.

RJ: No. But it is really great when you find a whole nest of them.

(while eating breakfast)

LR: Dad, now my other foot is hurting.

Dad: From yesterday, on the trampoline? Not a good sign. You know what they do with horses when they break a leg or seriously hurt themselves?

LR: No?

Dad: They shoot them.

LR: You can’t shoot me!

Dad: I know. We’ll come up with another plan instead.

RJ: How about we just build a pyramid and bury her inside with some slaves and some of those beetles?

Dad: Nice idea. We can leave the cat in there too!

LR: Noooooo!

Dad: How about we find her a job where she doesn’t have to walk around much?

RJ: Why don’t we cover her in honey, and stand her in the corner so that all the flies and mosquitoes stick to her.

Dad: Great idea!

LR: Nooooo!

RJ: Okay then. We don’t have a choice. We’ll have to put her on a boat with all her weapons and set her on fire.

Dad: I’ve always loved a good Viking burial!

LR: But… But… But, I don’t have a wife to burn with me, so you’d have to throw my best friend on there, and L.’s parents would be REALLY MAD if you did that!

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: Do you know what the worst job in the world is?

A Kraken researcher.

You might think it’s good because there’s a lot of science and learning about stuff and you’re actually a scientist.

But actually it’s bad, because you have to sail out to the edge of the world in a big boat, and no one would want to help you… So you have to get into a small boat, and just when you start to do some research… you get eaten.

Terrible job.

RJ: Mummy, can I tell you something?

Mum: Sure, RJ. What is it?

RJ: (worried) When I grow up, promise that I can go and live at Grammy’s house, with Grammy.

Mum: No, RJ. When you grow up, you’ll probably have to live in your own house.

RJ: But I can’t build a house! I don’t know how!

Mum: You don’t have to build it yourself, you pay someone else to build it for you.

RJ: But I don’t have a wallet with any money in it!

Mum: You’ll have to get a job, so you can earn some money.

RJ: But I can’t do anything!!!

Mum: That’s why you go to school, to learn that stuff.

RJ: But they don’t teach us about jobs there!!!