Crumpled Home

(reading before school)

RJ: So… Why are they called hedgehogs anyway?

Dad: Well, there used to be lots of different sorts… Hedgehogs, bushhogs, treehogs, sandhogs… You get the idea. But they all went extinct.

RJ: DAD!

…

RJ: (reading) “… Some hedgehogs live in the dessert…”

Dad: Careful. It’s DESERT with one ‘S’. You know, the dry place with lots of sand.

RJ: (deliberately ignores Dad and continues) “…There are people who lick hedgehogs and leave food for them at night…”

Dad: RJ, It’s LIKE, not LICK. You know that one.

RJ: But if they live in the dessert, they must be pretty tasty. I would lick them too.

(RJ getting increasingly agitated attempting to attach porcupine quill to large inflatable hedgehog)

RJ: I need to stick it on. Hedgy wont be safe.

Dad: Safe from what? He’s in our living room.

RJ: He has no spines. He isn’t safe from predators.

Dad: (get increasingly worried about Hedgy getting punctured) We don’t have predators in here. The worst Hedgy has to deal with is that pile of unfolded laundry on the couch.

Mum: RJ, he’s a fuzzy hedgehog. They’re bred specially for living rooms.

RJ: He isn’t safe! What if… if… a lot of hungry dogs come in here… through the window?

…

Dad: (under his breath) Better Hedgy than us, then. We’ll remember him in heroic verse after we make our escape.