Crumpled Home

(while eating dinner)

RJ: Can I have some more lamb, please?

Mom: Eat some salad first. You haven’t even eaten any pine nuts, and you love those.

RJ: I can’t eat that!

Mom: Why not?

RJ: Because that pine nut is the God of Victory! I’m still praying to him.

Mom: Well you’re not getting anything else to eat until you eat those.

LR: Don’t worry about that one, RJ, there’s about twenty more gods on your plate right there… I’ve eaten all the gods on my plate, and they were great!

Dad: So what have your gods done for you lately, RJ?

RJ: Well… They helped me at the beach today?

Dad: Really? How?

RJ: I didn’t get eaten by a shark! They kept all the sharks away.

Dad: Good point. I guess they kept all the thunderstorms and earthquakes away too.

RJ: (Bows head and prays to the pine nut). Yep. They’re powerful and delicious. (chomp)

(While playing in the waves at the beach…)

(RJ runs up to the ocean raising his fist into the air.)

RJ: (roaring at the ocean) I challenge you, Poseidon!!! My mortal enemy! YOU SHALL BE DEFEATED!!!

(RJ punches and kicks, throwing himself at the ocean with great ferocity. Meanwhile, a  huge wave sweeps forward towards him.)

LR: (from a safe distance) Look out RJ!

RJ: What the!? ACK.

(The wave crashes over him, dragging him up the beach.)

RJ: Help! Help! Where’s the manual? I need the instruction manual! This isn’t working properly!

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: You know why there can’t be any gods?

Dad: Why’s that?

RJ: Because they live up above the clouds, and what’s up there? Space. Just space. So if they were living up above the clouds, they’d just get sucked away in to space.

Dad: That’s true. All the old stories do say the gods lived up above the clouds.

RJ: And do you know what else?

Dad: What else?

RJ: We’ve never, EVER found any bones up in space, ANYWHERE. So… No gods. See?

(quietly muttering to himself as he falls to sleep during a rainstorm)

RJ: All those oats… Falling, falling down… burning oats falling down.

RJ: The gods are angry and they’ve opened the oats and now they throw them down…

RJ: Tomorrow, its going to be a big mess… Oatmeal everywhere.