Crumpled Home

The good news is that November is over (and we’re exhausted). The bad news is that December is on the way, which is sure to be even busier!

This month we survived a bout of the plague, and went to the city to learn some new skills for Heritage Days. Dad got even older than he used to be and now he’s even older. We built our own shelter and enjoyed a terrific Thanksgiving dinner.

RJ suffered from a horrible bout of chicken pox for a day, but awoke the next morning completely spot free with no symptoms! Vaccine FTW!

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In October, we drove south to Eagle Bay with some friends for a few days, and north to Gingin for a weekend with Grammy and Poppa. RJ had his first t-ball game and… his team won! In the middle of all of this (and the Royal Show AND Halloween) we somehow found the time to visit Scitech with some friends to see some of their new exhibits. Wow! We need a break!

We took a trip down to Eagle Bay and had a great time in the water. It's a lot easier to do now that the weather's warming up!

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Another crazy month went by! This time around, Mom and LR got a thousand and one things done before they left for the USA, leaving Dad and RJ behind to survive on a steady diet of buttered toast and cereal. The cousins came over from Melbourne, and Grammy’s house STILL isn’t finished! Finally, RJ entertained an entire school with his own special moves during his class concert.

RJ's friend C visited for a sleepover. The next morning, the two of them insisted on pancakes, the internationally recognised breakfast of bloodthirsty pirates and fierce centurions.

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: I’ve figured it out, Dad.

Dad: What’s that?

RJ: A rat trap! We just need an apple and a large glass pot. We put it outside and when we see the rat go in, we put some paper over the top and he wont be able to get out! They don’t have hands!

Dad: Great idea, but why on Earth do we want to catch a rat?

RJ: Because Mom hates them… and…

Dad: And what?

RJ: My friend L. at school wants one… He really liked my baby rat in a jar.*

Dad: He wants a rat in a jar, too?

RJ: Yeah, but it’s okay. I’ll sell it to him, and maybe I can sell them to other people, too!

** A few weeks ago, RJ found a dead baby rat outside — probably one of Violet Miaowmix’s recent victims. It now sits in a place of honour on the shelf in his room, preserved in a (VERY WELL SEALED) jar full of alcohol.

Each year, we invite a few friends up to the farm at Gingin to celebrate the winter solstice. After spending the day pruning the fruit trees and tending to the orchard, we fire up the pizza oven and serve a nearly endless stream of delicious homemade pizzas. We follow up by lighting a huge bonfire to brighten things up through the long night. It’s heaps of fun (despite things often going awry because of rainy weather).

Citrus is in season at the moment, and the trees are totally loaded with fruit. LR gets to work picking some mandarins. Delicious!

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RJ’s birthday was loads of fun. After school, we gathered up most of his classmates and walked them to the park near our house, where we enjoyed fruit, snacks and cupcakes! We had a nice dinner and more cake that night with Grammy and Poppa. The next day, RJ invited two of his friends to go see a movie with us in the city. Happy birthday RJ!

RJ's favorite present was this jaw from a 10ft lemon shark.

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RJ: I have a friend at school. Do you know Louis?

Dad: Yep. I’ve met him.

RJ: We’ve got some plans together.

Dad: What kind of plans?

RJ: We’re going to collect a lot of dead animals and put hydraulics in them… and then we’ll have an animal robot army. It’ll be great.

During the Summer holidays, the family spent a lot of time down at the beach. Its a pretty great spot: calm, predictable surf (i.e. none) and these days the kids are old enough that we aren’t perpetually worried that they’ll drown, eat a toxic blowfish or get carried off by a seabird or something.

The afternoons are filled with splashing, riding their boogie boards, chasing each other and snorkeling along the shore – your typical beach-side activity. Their cousins even came over from Melbourne for a few weeks, so the games and activities were correspondingly more intense. With so much going on, you might think they wouldn’t need a lot of extra entertainment… and for most kids, that would be true.

Unfortunately, RJ is not quite like most kids.

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On the weekend, we took the kids fishing on the beach. The best bait for this area is frozen prawns (similar to shrimp). After throwing a couple of lines in the water, and getting no immediate response from the fish, the kids lost interest. It was time to start building sand castles.

A few minutes later, RJ wandered back over and asked if he could have a prawn to play with for a little while. Unaware of the commitment involved, I agreed.

For the next thirty minutes, that dead crustacean must have been the happiest in the world. He had castles built for him. He was carefully washed in the waves lapping against the shore. He was taken for a splash and boogie boarding in the waves. A bathtub was dug in the sand for him, so that he could relax safely without the risk of being washed away.

No expired decapod crustacean, belonging to the sub-order Dendrobranchiata, has ever been treated so well.

When the time came to pack up and leave the beach, I broke the bad news to RJ.

Dad: RJ. It’s time to go. Prawny can’t come with us.

RJ: But he’s my friend! We have to bring him!

LR: He’s a dead prawn, RJ.

Dad: I’m sorry mate, but he’s a prawn and we’re people… and prawns belong in the ocean, not in a house.

RJ: (pleading) I’ll take really good care of him.

LR: He’s stinky, RJ. He’s gross.

Dad: It’s time to set him free. Let him go in the ocean, where a lovely stingray or other bottom feeder will scoop him up in his mouth and take him for a ride. He’ll be happier there.

(LR giggles)

RJ: (turning on his sister) You’re not allowed to be mean to him! Don’t laugh!

…

RJ: (sighing) Okay… (walks down to the ocean and gently releases Prawny) Goodbye Prawny!!!

We returned home and RJ was uncharacteristically quiet. After walking through the door, his eyes brimming with tears, RJ told mum about his friend and everything that had happened.

To her credit, she managed to keep a straight face.

“I loved him. Even though he was smelly and dead, I still loved him.”
RJ, age 4

(It’s a cold, rainy day when RJ and his friend J. suddenly streak through the room, wearing only underpants, yelling and creating an incredible racket)

Multiple-parents: STOP! What is going on!?? Upstairs and get some clothes on guys!

… (moments later as Dad tries to get some clothes back onto RJ)

Dad: What game were you guys playing? That looked CRAZY!

RJ: Zombie warriors! It’s a new game we made up.

Dad: So how does it work?

RJ: First, you have to take off your pants and your shirt.

RJ: Then you need to be about four or five, and usually a boy and a girl.

RJ: And you’ll need a small pterodactyl, just like this one (holds up one of his favorite toys, Flappy the Pterodactyl).

RJ: It’s really a lot of fun.