Monkey business is serious stuff!
We have a holiday coming up, in which we’ll be travelling overseas to spend some time on a tropical island. As part of our preparation, and to generate some excitement in the kids, Mom was reading through some of the possible destinations, an elephant park, a sea turtle rescue habitat, the Enchanted Monkey Forest…
Whoah! Everyone’s eyes lit up. A monkey forest? And not just any boring monkey forest… an ENCHANTED Monkey Forest! That sounded awesome!
Visions of tree houses and hundreds of friendly monkeys chattering away filled our heads. They’d do tricks for us, we’d clap and laugh; they’d dance for treats. A hat salesman would offer a dazzling array of coloured caps for just fifty cents each beneath a tree full of becapped monkeys. The kids might find a very friendly one and carry it to us, begging to bring it home as a pet. Perhaps a man with a yellow hat would wave, ‘Hello’. It just sounded magical…
A few webby clicks later later, reality had set in. The truth, as it turns out, is not as wonderful, full of glitter and simian camaraderie as our imaginations would have us believe.
The monkey forest is infested with Balinese long tailed macaques. Generally, they keep to themselves and the temple area. Although from time to time, much like hordes of school kids descending on the mall after school, bands of them will get together and raid nearby villages.
Now despite the fact that there are signs up, saying “Do not feed the monkeys”, there is usually someone nearby selling bananas (I presume he’s equipped with an electric monkey prod, monkey mace or a full suit of medieval armour). Feeding the monkeys, however, is not recommended. Nor is carrying food, shiny objects, or anything of any sort potentially appealing to a monkey, because the large macaques have no compunction against climbing people and beating them over the head, snarling ferociously, and brutally tearing whatever objects they might have on them away. Finally, monkeys can be infected by rabies and Hepatitis C, so any bites, scratches or broken skin are a serious infection risk. Monkey business is surprisingly serious stuff.
A useful guide to surviving the monkey forest provides these confidence inspiring tips:
- Watch your step, because monkeys can become aggressive if they are stepped on.
- Stay on paved paths, because monkeys can become aggressive if you wander into forested areas.
- Feeding the monkeys can be very dangerous.
- Loose items should be kept in the car or bus and kept out of the sight of the monkeys.
- Do not try to retrieve food or objects taken by the monkeys.
- Never threaten a monkey or try to tug an object back from a monkey.
- Keep a close watch on children.
- Do not try to touch the monkeys.
- If they attempt to climb on you, just walk away slowly.
- Do not tease the monkeys.
- Do not stare directly at a monkey.
This information was hammered home when we talked to a friend of ours who was actually bitten by a monkey while visiting. According to her, it was about as much fun as it sounds, i.e. about as much fun as a barrel full of rabid macaques.
So, with enthusiasm blunted and hopes singed, it looks like we’ll be giving the monkey forest a miss this time around. My dreams of driving across the countryside in a big rig with a new found monkey pal will have to be set aside. Fortunately, there are plenty of other exciting destinations on the island.
And not to fear, we wont be bored — this year there’s a new bit of tropical excitement infesting the Balinesian isle. Toxic caterpillars! Apparently plagues of horrible wriggly little caterpillars have been sweeping across the island, leaving the locals with itchy, red rashes when they come into contact with uncovered skin.
Tropical paradise, here we come!
