We’re suffering from an incredible post-Halloween party hangover. Unfortunately, it’s not the result of drinks or anything else; this is purely the result of forty excited children and non-stop thrills and games. We’re aching and sore, the house is a mess, our garage is infested with giant spiders and bats and there are piles of bones littering our front yard…
At least we have a good supply of fresh, clean eyeballs.
(while eating lunch)
Teacher: Hi RJ! We’re going to be talking about paint today and where it comes from. Do you have any ideas on how to make paint?
RJ: (nonchalantly) Oh yeah. You just need some eye dust and then some blood and then you mix it together and put it all over your hands and you can make handprints.
Teacher: So what colour would that paint be?
RJ: Red… Dark red.
Teacher: That’s a pretty good idea. What about if you wanted some other colour though?
RJ: (thinking) Hmm…
RJ: You just need different coloured eye dust!
Teacher: But where do you get coloured eye dust from?
RJ: Easy! From eyeballs… from dead people!
(while eating lunch)
(RJ sits silently, unmoving, while his eyes roll around madly.)
Dad: Hey, what are you doing?
(His eyes dart left, then right, then left again.)
Dad: RJ? Are you okay?
(His eyes continue to crazily flick around the room, glancing up, down, and doing loops. He is otherwise motionless.)
Dad: RJ! What is going on?!!!
RJ: It’s the music. My eyeballs love this music! They’re dancing!
How about that… A great picture of RJ having a snack.
Hey, he’s got something on his head!
It’s some kind of headband thing that he made and tied off himself!
…I bet there’s a story there.
Dad: Hey RJ, what’s that you’re wearing on your head?
RJ: Oh, it’s just something that I made out of styrofoam and some string.
Dad: Cool. What is it meant to be?
RJ: Well… There were these bullies being mean to everyone, so I got out my chainsaw and chopped them all up. Do you know what a chainsaw is?
Dad: Uhhhhh, yeah… I know what a chainsaw is.
RJ: So I used the chainsaw to chop them up, and chop their heads off, and chop out their eyeballs. I used one of them for my headband!
Dad: Great work mate! It looks great, but I think there’s still some blood dripping from it.
RJ: It’s very fresh.
RJ sports a delightful eyeball-headband from a local designer.
(in the car, on the way to school)
RJ: Minty eyeballs… It’s a terrible sickness.
Dad: It does sound terrible.
RJ: Our cousins have it. P, M and their whole family, Aunty B and Uncle T.
Dad: What!? Where did they catch it from?
RJ: From Dora at Dora’s house. Dora went in the Poisonous Jungle and got sick. Then they caught it from her.
Dad: Is there a cure? Can they get medicine or something?
RJ: The only way to get better from minty eyeballs is to drink the nectar from a flower that grows from the tallest tree in the Tiger Snake Jungle.
Dad: We’d better plan a mission to find it.
RJ: There’s no way. There are too many tiger snakes…
RJ: They’re going to die, I presume.
(while watching a documentary about India with LR)
RJ: I want to watch Dangerous Seas!
Mum: Just wait RJ. Be quiet for one minute and we’ll put it on for you.
RJ: But I don’t like this.
Dad: Mum’s right RJ. Just sit still for one minute.
RJ: (quiet for about 10 seconds) But it’s boring!
Mum: One minute. You just have to not say anything for one minute.
RJ: (quiet for about 15 seconds) It’s boring my eyeballs out!
RJ: (melodramatically raises his fists and bangs them against his head) Uhhhhgh.
Dad: RJ! Just sit quietly for one minite and we’ll switch. That’s the deal.
RJ: I’m leaving your deal on the table!
Mum: Just one minute. That’s all you have to wait.
RJ: (silence for 30 seconds) This is boring into my braaaaain! (dramatic gestures, hands in the air, head hanging forward)
Dad: Try again mate.
RJ: (silence for 45 seconds)
Mum & Dad: Well done! You did it!
RJ: Now can I watch Dangerous Seas?
Dad: Umm… how about something else instead? I can’t find that DVD.
