Crumpled Home

In April of 2011, we embarked on a terrific adventure to the island of Bali, in Indonesia. It is actually closer to Perth than the other capital cities within Australia, so it’s a popular holiday destination for Western Australians… which is one of the reasons we’ve been hesitant to go.

After a tiny 3 hour flight, we met Poppa, Grammy, the cousins (P. and M., Auntie Bron and Uncle Troy), our aunt and uncle from the US (Carrie and Paul), and finally, our second cousin Sophie and spent a week there staying at an incredible, luxurious villa (Puri Angsa, in Canggu, Bali) together.

It really was like staying in paradise, with each family having their own cottage or series of rooms, most of them directly overlooking the pool. The villa even had their own pet monkeys, which conveniently avoided any potential ‘Enchanted Monkey Forest‘ disasters that we had worried about.

We arrived at our gate with plenty of time to spare and some amazing colours in the sky.

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(while sitting down for dinner at a restaurant)

RJ: This place smells like crap!

Mom: (horrified) RJ! Don’t say things like that! That’s terrible!

RJ: But it does! It really smells like crap!

Mom: It doesn’t matter. It’s not polite and that’s a terrible word to use. I don’t want you to speak like that and definitely not about someone else’s place.

RJ: (hurt, confused) But… but… It does! They’re eating it for dinner over there! (points to neighbouring table)

(The people at the adjacent table happily dig into their meal, including several crabs.)

Mom: Sorry RJ. You’re right. This place does smell like crab.

(RJ is sitting next to his 5 month old cousin at the dinner table)

RJ: (holds up a grape) Now this. This is an olive. It’s delicious.

Vi: (flaps arms, yells)

RJ: And these are veggies. They are very bad for you.

Vi: (shrieks of joy)

RJ: Lollies are great though. Definitely eat lollies.

Vi: (loving the attention)

RJ: … and you can always eat rubbish.

RJ: (turns to everyone else at the table) I’m the worst teacher ever!

(while playing in the backyard)

Dad: Hey guys! What are you up to?

RJ: We’re cooking!

LR: Yeah! We’re playing Masterchef!

Dad: Sounds great… What are you making?

RJ: I made you some onion coffee.

LR: I made some caramel tea.

Dad: (taking a pretend sip of each) Delicious!

RJ: Now you can have some chicken soup.

Dad: Very nice!

LR: And to finish… Lemon meringue pie!

Dad: Fantastic ending. What a great meal, very creative. What prizes are you going to win?

LR: Oh, just a new stove and a fridge or something.

RJ: (excited) And, and, and!!! And some gummy fish!!! and red capsicums!!!

LR & RJ: YEAH!!!!

(while eating dinner)

RJ & LR: (singing) Boudi-ca! Toughest By Far!

RJ: (singing with British accent) Its bad enough being beaten, but beaten by a girl?

RJ & LR: (singing loudly) Boudi-ca! Super-star!

Mum: Kids! Quiet! No Boudica at the dinner table!!!

(while eating dinner)

RJ: Daa-aad. Can I tell you something?

Dad: Sure mate. What is it?

RJ: Do you know Mister Sippy?

Dad: Uhhh… No?

RJ: It’s very far away. It’s a huge river.

Mum: That’s Mississippi, RJ. It’s in America.

Dad: Mrs. Sippy is Mr. Sippy’s wife.

LR: M… I… S S I… S S I… P P I… S S I…

Dad: No… She was someone else all together.

(while eating dinner)

LR: Here’s a trick, RJ. What animal is pork made from?

RJ: Cows?

LR: No. Pigs!

Dad: How about this one? What animal is beef made from?

LR: Pigs?

Dad: No.

LR: Cows?

Dad: Yes!

Dad: One more… What is venison?

RJ: Lion food!

(while eating dinner)

Dad: I love that song. Maybe I could learn to play it on the piano!

LR: Or on the guitar!

RJ: Or on the ukelele!

LR: Or on the flute!

RJ: Or on the computer!

LR: Or on the drums!

RJ: Or on a violin, but the bow is made from lots of spider webs that are stretched very long on a stick… But you would have to play it very carefully.

(while eating dinner)

RJ: I’d like to thank somebody tonight. I’d like to thank the Romans… for inventing toilets.

RJ: THANK YOU ROMANS!

(LR, Mum and Dad): Thank you Romans!

Dad: They invented plumbing and running water in houses too.

… a few moments later …

RJ: I’d like to thank somebody tonight. I’d like to thank the Romans again… for inventing running water!

RJ: THANK YOU ROMANS!

LR, Mum and Dad: (groaning) Thank you Romans!

… a few minutes later …

RJ: I’d like to thank somebody else tonight. I’d like to thank the Egyptians! For inventing paper!

(LR, Mum and Dad): ARRGGGHH!!

(while eating dinner)

RJ: I don’t like the vegetables, but I will eat ALL my rice.

LR: Rice is a vegetable, RJ!

RJ: No it’s not. It’s a grain. It’s a seed!