(while eating dinner)
LR: Here’s a trick, RJ. What animal is pork made from?
RJ: Cows?
LR: No. Pigs!
Dad: How about this one? What animal is beef made from?
LR: Pigs?
Dad: No.
LR: Cows?
Dad: Yes!
Dad: One more… What is venison?
RJ: Lion food!
(while eating dinner)
Dad: I love that song. Maybe I could learn to play it on the piano!
LR: Or on the guitar!
RJ: Or on the ukelele!
LR: Or on the flute!
RJ: Or on the computer!
LR: Or on the drums!
RJ: Or on a violin, but the bow is made from lots of spider webs that are stretched very long on a stick… But you would have to play it very carefully.
(while eating dinner)
RJ: I’d like to thank somebody tonight. I’d like to thank the Romans… for inventing toilets.
RJ: THANK YOU ROMANS!
(LR, Mum and Dad): Thank you Romans!
Dad: They invented plumbing and running water in houses too.
… a few moments later …
RJ: I’d like to thank somebody tonight. I’d like to thank the Romans again… for inventing running water!
RJ: THANK YOU ROMANS!
LR, Mum and Dad: (groaning) Thank you Romans!
… a few minutes later …
RJ: I’d like to thank somebody else tonight. I’d like to thank the Egyptians! For inventing paper!
(LR, Mum and Dad): ARRGGGHH!!
(while eating dinner)
RJ: I don’t like the vegetables, but I will eat ALL my rice.
LR: Rice is a vegetable, RJ!
RJ: No it’s not. It’s a grain. It’s a seed!
(while eating dinner)
LR: (singing) We all live in a yellow submarine!
RJ: I know that song! I love that song!
LR and RJ: (joyously singing together) We all live in a yellow submarine!
RJ: (after the cacaphony quiets down) When I was a little kid (in Malaysia), we used to sing that song all the time… But it was a bit different. It was about a blue submarine.
(a sudden outburst, while eating dinner)
RJ: Okay, new rule! No one in this family is a allowed to turn into a giant!
(at the dinner table)
LR: I could be Wonder Woman! What does she do anyway?
Dad: Mostly fight bad guys, just like the other super heroes. She has an invisible jet to fly around in.
LR: An invisible jet? So you can’t see her when she flies around?
Dad: Not quite. You can see her, but no airplane. She looks like she’s zooming through the sky with nothing around her.
RJ: (suddenly paying attention) Are you talking about Martine?
(Martine is a friend of ours… and no, we’ve never seen her fly through the air in an invisible jet.)
(A yell from the kitchen table, causing immediate alarm amongst Mum and Dad…)
RJ: Mum! Get the fork out of my life!!!
Moments earlier…
RJ: I don’t need this fork. Dad, can you get rid of this fork for me? Why do I need a fork for icecream?
(while washing hands before dinner)
RJ: How do you get tapeworms?
Dad: From eating tapeworm eggs. They hatch in your intestines and the tapeworms start living there. That’s one reason why we wash hands before we eat.
RJ: Where do you get tapeworm eggs from?
Dad: They’re in poo from a person or animal that has tapeworms. If it gets on your shoes, or someone else doesn’t wash their hands properly they can get transferred around. If they end up on your hands and you get them in your food, you get tapeworms.
RJ: So when the eggs that go in the toilet hatch, way down in the drains, the tapeworms must be saying, “Oh help! Where am I? This is not right!? Oh no! This is not the right place!”
(while eating dinner)
RJ: And those monkeys were evil…
Mum: Monkeys aren’t good or evil RJ. They’re animals; they just are.
(RJ thinks for a moment)
RJ: Not super monkeys. Super monkeys are always good!
