(while eating dinner)
RJ: Mom let me get a comic from the box without doing anything extra.
Dad: Well I’m not Mum. You only have to do two thank-you cards to get one.
RJ: So tomorrow I’ll just sit down and then I’ll do two whole cards and then I’ll go and get a comic.
Dad: Yep. I’m glad you understand and you’re not complaining about it.
RJ: (grumpily) Hmmph. That was NOT enthusiasm, Dad.
(while eating dinner)
RJ: Mom, did you know that I’ll eat crustaceans now.
Mom: Really? That’s good.
RJ: And I’ll eat fish, birds and mammals, too.
Mom: Uh huh.
RJ: But I will NOT eat amphibians or reptiles, so don’t even go there.
(while eating dinner)
Dad: So what happened to you guys at school today?
(silence)
Dad: Really! Something must have happened!
(crickets chirping)
RJ: Well! You are totally not going to believe this.
RJ: (puts down his fork and becomes quite dramatic and intense)
Today, we were playing at lunch time. There were four of us, me, L. and the other guys and we went back by the Sheddies. You know where they’re doing the building? Past there, past the edge of the concrete.
(pauses)
We decided to dig a hole. A big hole.
(motions digging with his hands)
We started digging. It got deep. Really deep.
(excitedly) We kept on digging and digging, deeper and deeper. We were digging like crazy, making this huge hole!
We kept digging and all of a sudden there was a flash along the bottom of the hole! WHOAH! SCALES. We saw SCALES!
(suddenly stops)
Do you know what it was?
Can you guess?
Dad: No idea… A fish?
RJ: (glares at Dad)
(channelling Steve Irwin) It was a SNAKE, it was in the bottom of the hole and it was a big one! (holding up hands showing the size) We couldn’t believe it!
Dad: Wow! A snake? At your school?
RJ: I know. It was REALLY exciting.
Dad: So… Did you tell someone? Perhaps a teacher?
RJ: No. We didn’t want everyone to freak out. It would just ruin their day…
RJ: Anyway, that’s not what you do when you see a snake. You just, “Say G’day, and walk away.” and that’s exactly what we did.
(while eating dinner)
RJ: (after carefully studying his plate for a minute, spears a mushroom on his fork and holds it up) Is this a safe one?
Mom: Yes. It’s definitely safe.
RJ: Well… How do you know?
Mom: Because we bought it at the shops and they only sell edible mushrooms there.
RJ: What kind is it?
Mom: It’s just a normal button mushroom. Eat it!
RJ: (quiet pause) Here Mum, just have a little bite. Tell me what you think.
Mom: No, RJ. I will not be your personal food tester. Five year olds aren’t at risk of assassination.
RJ: (turns to Dad) Dad?
Dad: (sighing) If I must…
(Dad puts the mushroom into his mouth, chews for a moment, then dramatically falls to the floor, clutching throat, moaning, gurgling and convulsing, then becomes still. RJ cheers and starts jumping on his back… until Dad gives in and returns to the table.)
Mom: RJ, sit down and EAT!
Mom: (turning to Dad) Nice example, honey.
Dad: I know, I know. Totally inappropriate… Parenting FAIL, but dramatic overacting WIN!
(while eating dinner)
RJ: Can I have some more lamb, please?
Mom: Eat some salad first. You haven’t even eaten any pine nuts, and you love those.
RJ: I can’t eat that!
Mom: Why not?
RJ: Because that pine nut is the God of Victory! I’m still praying to him.
Mom: Well you’re not getting anything else to eat until you eat those.
LR: Don’t worry about that one, RJ, there’s about twenty more gods on your plate right there… I’ve eaten all the gods on my plate, and they were great!
Dad: So what have your gods done for you lately, RJ?
RJ: Well… They helped me at the beach today?
Dad: Really? How?
RJ: I didn’t get eaten by a shark! They kept all the sharks away.
Dad: Good point. I guess they kept all the thunderstorms and earthquakes away too.
RJ: (Bows head and prays to the pine nut). Yep. They’re powerful and delicious. (chomp)
With a huge overseas vacation looming, the first half of December was filled with the last days of the school year, some early Christmas celebrations… and a lot of silly hats.
December means the Advent calendar gets brought out. We like to pretend the kids appreciate the tradition and fun puzzles and clues that we leave in there for them...
(while eating dinner)
Mom: So RJ, what was your most favorite thing that you did today?
RJ: Well… I made some cheese! I took some flowers and some water and a bunch of string and mixed it all up in a cheesy way.
Dad: Whoah! What kind of crazy cheese is that?
LR: I know! String cheese!
(a discussion over dinner)
LR: When I die, I don’t think I want to be burned up.
Mom: At that point though, it doesn’t matter. You can’t feel anything, because you’re not alive. The body isn’t you any more.
LR: What about you, Mom? What do you want?
Mom: I think I want to be cremated, and then you can take my ashes and spread them somewhere that I love where you can go to remember me.
RJ: I know where that is! Koko Black!
(Koko Black is a high-end chocolatier that recently opened a “salon” in Perth… Apparently, luxury chocolatiers don’t have shops or stores…)
LR stirs the sauce and takes a look to make sure it's simmering nicely.
A couple of weeks ago, LR’s teacher gave the class an assignment. Cook some food and document the procedure, including ingredients and all the steps required to make it. LR took this on board, and then (in her usual manner) decided to kick it up a notch — she’d invite her teacher over for dinner to eat it with us!
(while cooking dinner at Rottnest)
RJ: (grabs a piece of uncooked spaghetti) Hey Dad. (crunch, crunch) What does this sound like? (crunch, crunch, crunch)
Dad: I dunno… Crunching?
RJ: Yes, but crunching what?
Dad: Umm… Crunching sticks? Bones?
RJ: Good… gooooood…
RJ: (grabs nearly-empty packet of uncooked spaghetti) Can I have these bits of pasta?
Dad: Sure thing. What for?
RJ: A secret project…
(5 minutes later while carrying dinner to a friend’s at Rottnest, RJ runs off into a dark alleyway.)
Dad: RJ! Come back!
RJ: (Silence…)
Dad: RJ! This stuff is hot and heavy and I don’t want to drop it. I need you to come back RIGHT NOW.
RJ: (Distant crunching noises… then a sudden explosion of rustling and snapping leaves and twigs) YEAH HAAAHAAHAA! IT WORKS!
RJ: (Excitedly runs around the corner) It works! It works!!!
Dad: What? What works?
RJ: The quokkas are terrified of me! Especially when I run up and make bone crunching noises at them!
RJ: (Triumphant) They think I’m a predator!
