Crumpled Home

(while eating dinner)

RJ: Can I have some more lamb, please?

Mom: Eat some salad first. You haven’t even eaten any pine nuts, and you love those.

RJ: I can’t eat that!

Mom: Why not?

RJ: Because that pine nut is the God of Victory! I’m still praying to him.

Mom: Well you’re not getting anything else to eat until you eat those.

LR: Don’t worry about that one, RJ, there’s about twenty more gods on your plate right there… I’ve eaten all the gods on my plate, and they were great!

Dad: So what have your gods done for you lately, RJ?

RJ: Well… They helped me at the beach today?

Dad: Really? How?

RJ: I didn’t get eaten by a shark! They kept all the sharks away.

Dad: Good point. I guess they kept all the thunderstorms and earthquakes away too.

RJ: (Bows head and prays to the pine nut). Yep. They’re powerful and delicious. (chomp)

With a huge overseas vacation looming, the first half of December was filled with the last days of the school year, some early Christmas celebrations… and a lot of silly hats.

December means the Advent calendar gets brought out. We like to pretend the kids appreciate the tradition and fun puzzles and clues that we leave in there for them...

(while eating dinner)

Mom: So RJ, what was your most favorite thing that you did today?

RJ: Well… I made some cheese! I took some flowers and some water and a bunch of string and mixed it all up in a cheesy way.

Dad: Whoah! What kind of crazy cheese is that?

LR: I know! String cheese!

(a discussion over dinner)

LR: When I die, I don’t think I want to be burned up.

Mom: At that point though, it doesn’t matter. You can’t feel anything, because you’re not alive. The body isn’t you any more.

LR: What about you, Mom? What do you want?

Mom: I think I want to be cremated, and then you can take my ashes and spread them somewhere that I love where you can go to remember me.

RJ: I know where that is! Koko Black!

(Koko Black is a high-end chocolatier that recently opened a “salon” in Perth… Apparently, luxury chocolatiers don’t have shops or stores…)

LR stirs the sauce and takes a look to make sure it's simmering nicely.

A couple of weeks ago, LR’s teacher gave the class an assignment. Cook some food and document the procedure, including ingredients and all the steps required to make it. LR took this on board, and then (in her usual manner) decided to kick it up a notch — she’d invite her teacher over for dinner to eat it with us!

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(while cooking dinner at Rottnest)

RJ: (grabs a piece of uncooked spaghetti) Hey Dad. (crunch, crunch) What does this sound like? (crunch, crunch, crunch)

Dad: I dunno… Crunching?

RJ: Yes, but crunching what?

Dad: Umm… Crunching sticks? Bones?

RJ: Good… gooooood…

RJ: (grabs nearly-empty packet of uncooked spaghetti) Can I have these bits of pasta?

Dad: Sure thing. What for?

RJ: A secret project…

(5 minutes later while carrying dinner to a friend’s at Rottnest, RJ runs off into a dark alleyway.)

Dad: RJ! Come back!

RJ: (Silence…)

Dad: RJ! This stuff is hot and heavy and I don’t want to drop it. I need you to come back RIGHT NOW.

RJ: (Distant crunching noises… then a sudden explosion of rustling and snapping leaves and twigs) YEAH HAAAHAAHAA! IT WORKS!

RJ: (Excitedly runs around the corner) It works! It works!!!

Dad: What? What works?

RJ: The quokkas are terrified of me! Especially when I run up and make bone crunching noises at them!

RJ: (Triumphant) They think I’m a predator!

In April of 2011, we embarked on a terrific adventure to the island of Bali, in Indonesia. It is actually closer to Perth than the other capital cities within Australia, so it’s a popular holiday destination for Western Australians… which is one of the reasons we’ve been hesitant to go.

After a tiny 3 hour flight, we met Poppa, Grammy, the cousins (P. and M., Auntie Bron and Uncle Troy), our aunt and uncle from the US (Carrie and Paul), and finally, our second cousin Sophie and spent a week there staying at an incredible, luxurious villa (Puri Angsa, in Canggu, Bali) together.

It really was like staying in paradise, with each family having their own cottage or series of rooms, most of them directly overlooking the pool. The villa even had their own pet monkeys, which conveniently avoided any potential ‘Enchanted Monkey Forest‘ disasters that we had worried about.

We arrived at our gate with plenty of time to spare and some amazing colours in the sky.

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(while sitting down for dinner at a restaurant)

RJ: This place smells like crap!

Mom: (horrified) RJ! Don’t say things like that! That’s terrible!

RJ: But it does! It really smells like crap!

Mom: It doesn’t matter. It’s not polite and that’s a terrible word to use. I don’t want you to speak like that and definitely not about someone else’s place.

RJ: (hurt, confused) But… but… It does! They’re eating it for dinner over there! (points to neighbouring table)

(The people at the adjacent table happily dig into their meal, including several crabs.)

Mom: Sorry RJ. You’re right. This place does smell like crab.

(RJ is sitting next to his 5 month old cousin at the dinner table)

RJ: (holds up a grape) Now this. This is an olive. It’s delicious.

Vi: (flaps arms, yells)

RJ: And these are veggies. They are very bad for you.

Vi: (shrieks of joy)

RJ: Lollies are great though. Definitely eat lollies.

Vi: (loving the attention)

RJ: … and you can always eat rubbish.

RJ: (turns to everyone else at the table) I’m the worst teacher ever!

(while playing in the backyard)

Dad: Hey guys! What are you up to?

RJ: We’re cooking!

LR: Yeah! We’re playing Masterchef!

Dad: Sounds great… What are you making?

RJ: I made you some onion coffee.

LR: I made some caramel tea.

Dad: (taking a pretend sip of each) Delicious!

RJ: Now you can have some chicken soup.

Dad: Very nice!

LR: And to finish… Lemon meringue pie!

Dad: Fantastic ending. What a great meal, very creative. What prizes are you going to win?

LR: Oh, just a new stove and a fridge or something.

RJ: (excited) And, and, and!!! And some gummy fish!!! and red capsicums!!!

LR & RJ: YEAH!!!!