Crumpled Home

(RJ has to introduce himself and a hobby at school today, he has decided to bring in his collection of ‘dead things’)

RJ: (pointing to dead bobtail lizard in tightly sealed plastic container) I still remember how bad he stinks. Yuck!

Dad: Really? You opened him up to take a sniff?

RJ: No! Not me… It was my teacher.

Dad: Why did she open it?

RJ: (grinning) I tricked her. I told her he wasn’t smelly at all.

Dad: I hope she learned her lesson!

RJ: You know, you can’t actually get history doctors anywhere. They just don’t exist!

Dad: What do you mean by history doctors?

RJ: Doctors that fix people the way they used to, from history.

Dad: Well, I guess not… It’s because we can usually do better using modern methods.

RJ: And also… because those guys are all dead.

RJ: You walk into a shop and are like,
“Hey Buddy, any Romans for sale?”
“No, Sorry… Because they’re all dead.“

(early morning, before anyone else is awake)

RJ: Can I tell you something?

Mom: Mmhmmm.

RJ: You know those bones? Those human bones? In the cave?

Mom: Uh huh.

RJ: They remind me of Lady Gaga.

Mom: (awake now) Really? Why?

RJ: She sleeps with dead people.

While Mum and the kids were off having a great time down south, I was left slaving away at the daily grind. One night, after picking up some dinner in one of my old haunts, I was surprised to find myself surrounded by hordes of undead. Looks like the neighbourhood has gone downhill since we used to live there.

The One that Isn't Ready Yet

The One that Needs a Hand

The One with a Musical Bent

The One that Needs a Hug

The One that I Saw

The One with a Famous Relative