Unexpected things heard after a few days of visiting cathedrals and crypts in France…
RJ: I’ve got it! I know the most delicious way to die!
A chocolate crucifix!
(later the same day… and strangely reassuring to hear)
RJ: Well, I think I’ve seen enough dead people now.
(while getting ready for bed)
RJ: You know that dead hand that we saw today, the real live one at the museum?
Dad: You mean the mummified dead hand?
RJ: Yeah, that one. They wouldn’t have that at the Perth museum.
Dad: Probably not, but what makes you say that?
RJ: They would only have a model. They only ever have models at the Perth museum. They never have real ones of the good things.
Part of being married to a biologist…
Never asking why there is a pig carcass stored in the garage.
(while eating breakfast)
LR: Dad, now my other foot is hurting.
Dad: From yesterday, on the trampoline? Not a good sign. You know what they do with horses when they break a leg or seriously hurt themselves?
LR: No?
Dad: They shoot them.
LR: You can’t shoot me!
Dad: I know. We’ll come up with another plan instead.
RJ: How about we just build a pyramid and bury her inside with some slaves and some of those beetles?
Dad: Nice idea. We can leave the cat in there too!
LR: Noooooo!
Dad: How about we find her a job where she doesn’t have to walk around much?
RJ: Why don’t we cover her in honey, and stand her in the corner so that all the flies and mosquitoes stick to her.
Dad: Great idea!
LR: Nooooo!
RJ: Okay then. We don’t have a choice. We’ll have to put her on a boat with all her weapons and set her on fire.
Dad: I’ve always loved a good Viking burial!
LR: But… But… But, I don’t have a wife to burn with me, so you’d have to throw my best friend on there, and L.’s parents would be REALLY MAD if you did that!
(while getting ready for bed)
RJ: Urghhh!!! This toothpaste tastes terrible!
RJ: … But at least its better than getting killed in the army.
(while eating lunch)
Teacher: Hi RJ! We’re going to be talking about paint today and where it comes from. Do you have any ideas on how to make paint?
RJ: (nonchalantly) Oh yeah. You just need some eye dust and then some blood and then you mix it together and put it all over your hands and you can make handprints.
Teacher: So what colour would that paint be?
RJ: Red… Dark red.
Teacher: That’s a pretty good idea. What about if you wanted some other colour though?
RJ: (thinking) Hmm…
RJ: You just need different coloured eye dust!
Teacher: But where do you get coloured eye dust from?
RJ: Easy! From eyeballs… from dead people!
(while eating breakfast)
RJ: (excited) I have an idea for the museum!
Dad: What’s that?
RJ: We need to get some human bones. We definitely need a skull.
Dad: That’s a great idea, but human bones are pretty hard to find.
RJ: But I have an idea for that. We just have to go to the cemetary and take off one of the big stones…
Dad: A gravestone?
RJ: Yes, and then we dig a big hole, open up the coffin, and take the bones out! Easy!
Dad: There’s a problem with that. It’s called grave robbing and they made a law against it a few hundred years ago.
RJ: (thoughtfully) Ohhh… Hmmm… New idea then.
Dad: Yes?
RJ: We wait until someone going to put a coffin in the ground, before it’s in the grave, and when they’re not looking we take the bones then!
Dad: Yeah, I’m sure no one will be upset by that.
On the weekend, we all drove up to Gingin to help with the second stage of winemaking. The first stage, picking the grapes and first pressing, was already done a couple of weeks ago; it was time for the second pressing and getting the wine into vats for fermentation. We also spent time working on LR’s latest project, “The Museum of the Universes of Science” — a showcase for all the amazing animals, bones, plants and rocks that we discover up there.
Obviously, winemaking is a very serious business!
RJ: I have a friend at school. Do you know Louis?
Dad: Yep. I’ve met him.
RJ: We’ve got some plans together.
Dad: What kind of plans?
RJ: We’re going to collect a lot of dead animals and put hydraulics in them… and then we’ll have an animal robot army. It’ll be great.
(RJ has to introduce himself and a hobby at school today, he has decided to bring in his collection of ‘dead things’)
RJ: (pointing to dead bobtail lizard in tightly sealed plastic container) I still remember how bad he stinks. Yuck!
Dad: Really? You opened him up to take a sniff?
RJ: No! Not me… It was my teacher.
Dad: Why did she open it?
RJ: (grinning) I tricked her. I told her he wasn’t smelly at all.
Dad: I hope she learned her lesson!
