(just before breakfast)
RJ: Did you hear all that noise last night? Was it keeping you awake?
Dad: No? What noise?
RJ: All those really loud rumbling and booming sounds.
Dad: Do you mean the storm? I guess it was raining a lot.
RJ: Ha! You just THINK it was the storm… It was actually my stomach. It was making noises ALL NIGHT! I am SO hungry!
(while playing lego together)
Dad: So RJ, if you were at your birthday party and a giant, venomous spider showed up, threatening everyone…
RJ: (curious) Yeah?
Dad: What kind of weapon would you use to fight it? A sword? A spear?
RJ: Well… Hmm… To kill a giant spider,.. I would use… A giant boot!
(while eating lunch)
Dad: (with mock concern) RJ, you’re wearing the birthday hat, but it’s not your birthday yet!
RJ: (silently keeps eating)
Dad: You can’t wear that today. You’ve got half a day to go!
RJ looks Dad in the eye, reaches his hands up to the hat and tips it to the left, precariously balancing it on one side of his head… Then grins.
RJ: (grinning) If it’s half a day to my birthday, then I can half wear it. So there!
(while eating dinner)
Dad: So what happened to you guys at school today?
(silence)
Dad: Really! Something must have happened!
(crickets chirping)
RJ: Well! You are totally not going to believe this.
RJ: (puts down his fork and becomes quite dramatic and intense)
Today, we were playing at lunch time. There were four of us, me, L. and the other guys and we went back by the Sheddies. You know where they’re doing the building? Past there, past the edge of the concrete.
(pauses)
We decided to dig a hole. A big hole.
(motions digging with his hands)
We started digging. It got deep. Really deep.
(excitedly) We kept on digging and digging, deeper and deeper. We were digging like crazy, making this huge hole!
We kept digging and all of a sudden there was a flash along the bottom of the hole! WHOAH! SCALES. We saw SCALES!
(suddenly stops)
Do you know what it was?
Can you guess?
Dad: No idea… A fish?
RJ: (glares at Dad)
(channelling Steve Irwin) It was a SNAKE, it was in the bottom of the hole and it was a big one! (holding up hands showing the size) We couldn’t believe it!
Dad: Wow! A snake? At your school?
RJ: I know. It was REALLY exciting.
Dad: So… Did you tell someone? Perhaps a teacher?
RJ: No. We didn’t want everyone to freak out. It would just ruin their day…
RJ: Anyway, that’s not what you do when you see a snake. You just, “Say G’day, and walk away.” and that’s exactly what we did.
(Some great friends visited from the US. Among the many fantastic gifts they brought for us were six boxes of real Cheerios…)
Dad: So. What’s for breakfast this morning, guys? How about American Cheerios?
RJ: You’re saying it wrong.
Dad: (with mock American accent) Amerrrican Cheeeerrriowwws?
LR: Nope. You’re still saying it wrong.
Dad: (confused) What do you mean I’m saying it wrong?
RJ: There’s a Cheerio over the letter ‘i’. You’re not saying it.
LR: He’s right, Dad… and I don’t think it’s a silent Cheerio.
Dad: Fair enough… Who wants American Cheeri-Cheerio-os?
LR & RJ: We do!
Over the weekend we took a trip to Rottnest Island and everyone knows that the only sensible way to get around Rottnest is on a bike. There was one problem: RJ was still on training wheels, and you can’t ride all the way across the island on training wheels.
The day before we left, as Dad spent some quality time with the bikes in the garage, RJ practiced balancing as he wheeled himself around and around on the smooth concrete. He wouldn’t accept any help at all.
RJ: Stop! Don’t touch me! You’ll just make me fall over!
Dad: Fair enough. Just a bit of advice, though. You should try to…
RJ: STOP! Stop saying anything! I’m trying to concentrate!
The next day we arrived on Rottnest and the rough, bumpy road surface lay ahead of him, waiting hungrily to scrape the skin off his knees. With only the slightest bit of trepidation he pushed off the ground, lifted his feet to the pedals and he was away!
It was the end of an era... The age of innocence was over... It was time to grow up... The training wheels were gone...
RJ: (pointing to his foot) Cheese? Cheese…
Dad: Really?
RJ: (nodding) Cheese, cheese, cheese.
Dad: So is there something I can do to help?
RJ: (nodding) Cheese!!!!
Dad: I don’t understand… We need to find another way to communicate.
RJ: (holding up an Angry Bird) Hey! I can tell you. He’s got a mosquito bite on his foot! It’s craaaazy itchy!
Your eyes are closed. It’s completely dark. You know you should be asleep but something has woken you. You lay still and listen…
It’s quiet, or about as quiet as it ever gets around here. The peaceful hum of the fan and the snoring of your husband fill the room, but you’re used to that… There’s something else… Someone breathing. Close breathing. Really close breathing… on your face?!
You snap your eyes open and his face is RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!
Mom: Yeaaargh!!!!
RJ: MOM! It’s not fair! You guys get to sleep in the big bed ALL NIGHT LONG! Why do I have to sleep in my bed? You have so much room! You always say sharing is good and families have to share but you’re not sharing! You are always just sleeping in your bed and you never…
(Moments after jumping out of the shower, a bare RJ starts dancing around crazily, with a huge white towel hanging out of his mouth down to the floor. He is making bizarre wheezing noises as he leaps about and drops of water are flying everywhere.)
RJ: (muffled) Hey guys! (dance, dance, wheeze, wheeze) Guess who I am!?
Dad: (shielding himself from the water flying everywhere) Uhhh…
RJ: (wiggle, leap, wheeze, wheeze) Guess!
Dad: Umm… RJ, I have honestly no idea.
RJ: (wheeze, rasp) I’m an old water spirit! Do you like my beard?
(RJ and Dad have just returned from an after-school teeball game…)
RJ: (excited) I know what I’m wearing to the school disco tonight! It has to be something tropical. I have my blue Hawaiian shirt and my flower shorts. They’ll be perfect! I’ll probably wear my beret too… What are you going to wear?
Dad: Me? Just normal clothes — nothing special.
RJ: (thoughtfully) Hmmm… You probably have something tropical you could wear.
Dad: Yeah, but it’s a kids’ disco. I don’t need to dress up.
RJ: But don’t you have a blue Hawaiian shirt? You should definitely wear that; it looks good.
Dad: Umm… Okay, I guess.
(Dad grabs his blue Hawaiian shirt and puts it on).
RJ: And probably some shorts, too. It’s too hot out there for pants.
Dad: True…
(While Dad changes into a pair of shorts, RJ disappears into another room.)
RJ: (runs back in, breathless) Hey Dad! I found your hat! You should definitely wear this one!
Dad: (puts hat on) Okay! Okay! Can we go now?
RJ: Yeah! Let’s go!
Somehow RJ and Dad ended up dressing very similarly...
(Later that night, RJ was infuriated when he heard Dad say, “RJ said we had to dress the same”. He insists that it wasn’t true and that he just made some suggestions so that Dad would look good.)
