Crumpled Home

(while eating dinner)

RJ: Can I have some more lamb, please?

Mom: Eat some salad first. You haven’t even eaten any pine nuts, and you love those.

RJ: I can’t eat that!

Mom: Why not?

RJ: Because that pine nut is the God of Victory! I’m still praying to him.

Mom: Well you’re not getting anything else to eat until you eat those.

LR: Don’t worry about that one, RJ, there’s about twenty more gods on your plate right there… I’ve eaten all the gods on my plate, and they were great!

Dad: So what have your gods done for you lately, RJ?

RJ: Well… They helped me at the beach today?

Dad: Really? How?

RJ: I didn’t get eaten by a shark! They kept all the sharks away.

Dad: Good point. I guess they kept all the thunderstorms and earthquakes away too.

RJ: (Bows head and prays to the pine nut). Yep. They’re powerful and delicious. (chomp)

RJ: Dad, if LR comes back from camp with four legs, big marshmallow lips and a mane and a tale and hooves, do we have to keep her?

Dad: I’m not sure RJ. If she can talk, I think we have to.

RJ: She wont be able to talk, Dad. She’s a horse.

Dad: A horse could be kind of useful. Do you think she could make it up the stairs to her room?

RJ: No way!

Dad: I guess she could stay in the backyard. Mom would be pretty upset if we got rid of her.

RJ: It just wouldn’t work. She would eat all the plants and wouldn’t be able to do her jobs around the house. She’d have to go.

Dad: I guess you’re right. Oh well, I’ll miss her.

(while eating breakfast)

LR: I’m doing a new post on my blog about the cathedrals in France.

Dad: Sounds like a great idea! Do you think you’ll ever run out of things to put on it?

LR: Not really. I can always just make up stuff. No one on the internet really knows the truth.

RJ: You know, LR. If you were two thousand years old and you had a blog, you could write lots of stories about your mummy friends and all the things that they’re doing these days.

Dad: Mummy blogging? Wouldn’t that be kind of boring? “Just another day, hanging out at the museum….”, “Well, I’m thinking of repainting the tomb…”, “I found this great sarcophagus the other day”…

RJ: Yeah, but the stories about the crazy one that escaped and is hunting everyone would be REALLY exciting.

RJ: (sighing) I’m going to be so busy when I grow up.

Dad: Really? What are you going to be doing?

RJ: You know!!!

Dad: (uncertain) Yeah, but… which job? You’ve told me a few.

RJ: I’m going to be a warrior and fight monsters!

Dad: Oh yeah! So there will be a lot of demand for warriors and monster hunters in the future?

RJ: Definitely.

Dad: In that case, there should be good money in it for you. How much do monster hunters get paid?

RJ: Oh about a thousand dollars…

Dad: For each monster? Hmm… I thought it would be more than that.

RJ: No. But it is really great when you find a whole nest of them.

With a huge overseas vacation looming, the first half of December was filled with the last days of the school year, some early Christmas celebrations… and a lot of silly hats.

December means the Advent calendar gets brought out. We like to pretend the kids appreciate the tradition and fun puzzles and clues that we leave in there for them...

We’ve been reading Harry Potter before bedtime.

(while playing together)

RJ: Harry Potter is really good, isn’t it.

LR: Yeah. I didn’t like it for a long time, because everyone else was so crazy about it, but I like it now.

…

RJ: Dad thinks he’s a wizard, doesn’t he.

LR: Yeah, but he’s really just a muggle!

(both kids burst out laughing)

(while walking around in France)

Dad: So I guess if you were attacking a castle, it was pretty important to have an impressive name.

RJ: If you were attacking, Dad, I know what you’d be called.

Dad: Yeah? What’s that.

RJ: Oscar… Oscar the Dangerous Chicken.

Dad: Hmmm… Really? I’m sure it would be something way more scary… Something like Draco the Savage.

RJ: No. Definitely Oscar the Dangerous Chicken… But you have a friend who travels around with you and helps you.

Dad: You mean a sidekick?

RJ: Yes! Your sidekick is a thumb, just a thumb and no hand or fingers… He’s called Thimbric the Terrible.

Dad: He’s got a better name than I do! Oscar the Dangerous Chicken… That’s just silly!

RJ: I could change it… Something MUCH better… Hmmmm… I know!

RJ: Your new name is Oscar the Romantic Fridge Magnet!

Dad: Aaaaarrrrggghhh!!!!

(while getting ready for bed)

RJ: You know that dead hand that we saw today, the real live one at the museum?

Dad: You mean the mummified dead hand?

RJ: Yeah, that one. They wouldn’t have that at the Perth museum.

Dad: Probably not, but what makes you say that?

RJ: They would only have a model. They only ever have models at the Perth museum. They never have real ones of the good things.

(while driving, in France)

Dad: After a long, long day, we’ve finally returned to the quiet streets of Balma!

(giggling erupts from the back seat)

Mom: The farmers’ market is open again tomorrow. We’ll have to stop by and pick a few things up.

Dad: That was on the main street of Balma, right?

(huge amounts of giggling from the back seat)

Dad: I wonder why they called it Balma, anyway?

(peals of uncontrollable laughter burst from the kids)

Dad: What!? What is so funny back there?

LR: Well… RJ says that Balma…

RJ: Aaaaah!! You just said it!

LR: … is a very, VERY rude word in French.

(while eating breakfast)

Mom: RJ, you can’t eat the last half of the baguette by yourself.

RJ: But I’m really hungry!

Dad: RJ! You have to share it.  Take a smaller piece and leave the big piece alone.

RJ: (in a low, growling voice) If it’s on the plate of eating, it will be devoured.