Crumpled Home

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: If I had a choice between eating liver treats and a big bowl of Rice Bubbles… I think I’d go for the Rice Bubbles.

Dad: I think I’d agree. Besides, liver treats are just awful in milk.

LR: (giggles)

RJ: And… If I had to choose between being a rubbish man or building blocks for a job… I think I’d go for the blocks. Rubbish is just so stinky.

Dad: I agree there too.

RJ: And… If I had to choose between being attacked by scorpions, or eating a nice piece of cake… I think I’d go for the cake.

LR: (attempting to make it more challenging) And what about if you had to choose between being attacked by a lion or being attacked by –

RJ: (interrupting) a cuddly bilbi? I’ll take the bilbi!!!

(Some great friends visited from the US. Among the many fantastic gifts they brought for us were six boxes of real Cheerios…)

Dad: So. What’s for breakfast this morning, guys? How about American Cheerios?

RJ: You’re saying it wrong.

Dad: (with mock American accent) Amerrrican Cheeeerrriowwws?

LR: Nope. You’re still saying it wrong.

Dad: (confused) What do you mean I’m saying it wrong?

RJ: There’s a Cheerio over the letter ‘i’. You’re not saying it.

LR: He’s right, Dad…  and I don’t think it’s a silent Cheerio.

Dad: Fair enough… Who wants American Cheeri-Cheerio-os?

LR & RJ: We do!

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: What if everything was made of rice bubbles? It would be great, we could eat anything!

Dad: Yeah, but you can’t survive on just rice bubbles. There’s not enough protein or vitamins.

RJ: Hmmm….

RJ: What if everything in the world was made of rice bubbles…. and bacon?

Dad: Deliciously awesome. That would work much better, but wouldn’t everything fall apart?

RJ: Hmmm….

RJ: What if everything in the world was made of rice bubbles…. and bacon… and peanut butter sandwiches?

Dad: That probably fixes everything!

RJ: Except roads.

Dad: I don’t know… PB sandwiches get pretty hard when they’re stale…

RJ: Good thinking, Dad! Bacon wheels rolling on peanut butter sandwich roads! We’ll need those!

Dad: Why?

RJ: So the trucks can get through!

Dad: The trucks?

RJ: It is going to get so messy when it rains. The trucks are going to have to come through to clean up. Floods are going to be a big problem.

(while having breakfast)

RJ: (looking at his bowl, shaking his head) Minus one point, daddy.

…

RJ: (sighing, rolling his eyes) Minus another point, daddy.

…

RJ: (looking happier) Hey! That was good, plus a point!

Dad: What are you doing???

RJ: Well, you lost a point for getting me the wrong colour bowl, and another point for the wrong kind of cereal.

Dad: Not good, eh?

RJ: Nope. You’re doing well with manners, though. You got two points for being polite.

(after spilling his milk and cereal all over himself)

RJ: Arrrrgh! I can’t believe I just did that!

Dad: No big deal, we’ll clean it up.

RJ: (wiping milk off himself) I wish milk was NOT a liquid! Then it would be much easier!

RJ: … And elbows!

Dad: what about elbows?

RJ: I wish we didnt have them! Then I wouldnt bump things all the time.

Dad: I’ll get you some retractable ones that you can switch on and off.

RJ: Thanks dad. That would be great.

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: Daddy, do you know how to make rice bubble glass?

Dad: Nope. You tell me.

RJ: First you get rice bubbles, but only the really clean ones. Then you heat them up so they’re very hot and they melt. Then you cool it down slowly and then you have rice bubble glass!

Dad: That’s great! What can you use it for?

RJ: You can make rice bubble bottles to put perfume in. They’re very nice.

RJ: … and you can also throw them at bad guys. They’re allergic to rice bubbles.

(In Australia, Rice Krispies are called Rice Bubbles. Same company, same box, and same trio of little guys helping to sell it.)

(An unfortunately chirpy RJ appears at the counter ready for breakfast, with a dinosaur entourage.)

Dad: (blearily rubbing eyes) What is this? RJ and the breakfast full of dinosaurs?… Okay, what do you want to eat?

RJ: This dinosaur wants flies. You’d better get to work; they’re hard to catch and he needs a lot of them.

Dad: Okay. I’ll see what I can do. How about the others?

RJ: Meat. Lots of meat.

Dad: And you?

RJ: Just rice bubbles…

(half an hour later, RJ wanders past, arms still full of dinosaurs)

Dad: RJ, wouldn’t it be easier to carry them in something? A bag or a basket or something?

RJ: (yelling back) No! I don’t need to. They all get around on rocket boosters.

Dad: Wow! That’s so cool. Dinosaurs with rocket boosters.

RJ: No. It’s not really great, because they don’t have legs. That’s why they had the rocket boosters put on.