(while eating breakfast)
RJ: I think it would be great to be able to bring dead things back to life…
RJ: … Because then you could do it to your shoes and they’d be alive again and when you wore them, they would do the walking for you! So easy!
(while eating breakfast)
RJ: (pointing to empty chair) LR is right here… You don’t need to call her.
Dad: But I don’t see her… What’s up with that?
RJ: Well… (big sigh) She woke up and thought she was invincible, but she was wrong. She was actually invisible.
Dad: I’ll do my best not to sit on her then.
RJ: (posh accent) What a strange fellow! I should have a word with the council!
Dad: (laughing) RJ, has anyone ever told you how delightfully weird you are?
RJ: Not today, Dad!
(while eating breakfast)
RJ: Howp! I cannn mooovf my thunggg.
Dad: You can’t move your tongue? Why not?
RJ: Theeerth a hunnred kilogrammmth on ith. Thooo heavy.
Dad: A hundred kilograms? That’s huge. Maybe you can start using it as tongue exercise and end up with the strongest tongue in the world.
RJ: Rrrgggh…. RGGGGHHHHH! No… Juthhhhd thoo heavy. No thuper tongue powerth for me.
(while eating breakfast, the cat is sitting on the chair in front of the kitchen computer)
RJ: No kitty. No more searching… Dad! She’s typing into Google again!
Dad: What? What is she searching for now?
RJ: “Will… I… catch… a… bird… today?” Uggh! Kitty! You’re not an outside cat!
Dad: Bad cat! No more Google for you!
RJ: Do you know what is really bad? I saw her watching Youtube last night. She was watching videos about catching birds.
Dad: That cat has no shame!
RJ: I know! And then she went on wikipedia and was searching for endangered species!
Dad: I never thought it would come to this… I guess it’s time to change the password.
RJ: Pick something harder this time.
(while eating breakfast)
Dad: RJ. We’ve got a problem. We’re not drinking enough milk. We’re never going to get through all this.
RJ: I have an idea! Let’s get all the bottles out and dress them up and then put on some music and have a milky conga line! They can dance along, it’ll be great!
Dad: Yeah! And we can dance them all out of the house and down the street and all our neighbours can have their milk join in too!
RJ: …
RJ: …
RJ: …
RJ: Don’t be silly, Dad.
Dad: Sorry, mate. I got a bit carried away.
RJ: That’s okay. It’s cold today, right?
Dad: Yeah. Very wintery. They said it might hail.
RJ: Good, because today I’m going to wear TWO hoodies AND my wooly hat.
It's the dreaded double hoodie!
(while eating breakfast)
RJ: Last night the tooth fairy came again.
Dad: Really? Didn’t she already get your tooth?
RJ: Yep, but this time it was different. This time she took all the rest.
Dad: Oh no! How are you going to eat?
RJ: It’s okay. I don’t care. She left me a huge pile of trinkets*.
* In our family, the tooth fairy is trading RJ’s teeth for small metal animal trinkets.
(while eating breakfast)
LR: Well I’d definitely like some chocolate today.
Dad: I don’t know. I think we’ll have to see how well things go. If we’re all happy at the end of the day, then maybe.
RJ: Hmmm… I have an idea.
Dad: Yeah?
RJ: Let’s ask Wikipedia, it knows everything, right?
Dad: Well…
RJ: Let’s type in, “Will LR get chocolate today?” and then it can tell the future for us!
Dad: (typing on the computer) Okay then…”W-i-l-l L-R g-e-t- c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e t-o-d-a-y….”
Dad: (pointing at the screen) Hmm… It says here, “Outlook not so good.”
LR: IT DOESN’T SAY THAT!!!
(while eating breakfast)
RJ: You know why there can’t be any gods?
Dad: Why’s that?
RJ: Because they live up above the clouds, and what’s up there? Space. Just space. So if they were living up above the clouds, they’d just get sucked away in to space.
Dad: That’s true. All the old stories do say the gods lived up above the clouds.
RJ: And do you know what else?
Dad: What else?
RJ: We’ve never, EVER found any bones up in space, ANYWHERE. So… No gods. See?
RJ decided that today would be a great day to wear a tie and eat a strawberry… and put on a performance for the rest of the family.
RJ decided to tie off a few loose ends.
What is this before me? A delicious snack?
Ahh, strawberry, my dear old friend. Perhaps I'll enjoy just a nibble.
CHOMP!
(while eating breakfast)
LR: Dad, now my other foot is hurting.
Dad: From yesterday, on the trampoline? Not a good sign. You know what they do with horses when they break a leg or seriously hurt themselves?
LR: No?
Dad: They shoot them.
LR: You can’t shoot me!
Dad: I know. We’ll come up with another plan instead.
RJ: How about we just build a pyramid and bury her inside with some slaves and some of those beetles?
Dad: Nice idea. We can leave the cat in there too!
LR: Noooooo!
Dad: How about we find her a job where she doesn’t have to walk around much?
RJ: Why don’t we cover her in honey, and stand her in the corner so that all the flies and mosquitoes stick to her.
Dad: Great idea!
LR: Nooooo!
RJ: Okay then. We don’t have a choice. We’ll have to put her on a boat with all her weapons and set her on fire.
Dad: I’ve always loved a good Viking burial!
LR: But… But… But, I don’t have a wife to burn with me, so you’d have to throw my best friend on there, and L.’s parents would be REALLY MAD if you did that!
