Crumpled Home

Carved watermelons and artificial pumpkins are the name of the game around here. Watch out for the gorilla and the monster eyeball in the window too!

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(while eating breakfast)

RJ: You know why there can’t be any gods?

Dad: Why’s that?

RJ: Because they live up above the clouds, and what’s up there? Space. Just space. So if they were living up above the clouds, they’d just get sucked away in to space.

Dad: That’s true. All the old stories do say the gods lived up above the clouds.

RJ: And do you know what else?

Dad: What else?

RJ: We’ve never, EVER found any bones up in space, ANYWHERE. So… No gods. See?

We’ve looked, but we can’t find this one anywhere.

Click to enlarge.

(LR heads downstairs, almost in tears)

LR: I just whacked my elbow on the door and it really hurts. It feels really weird — buzzy.

Dad: Let’s have a look… Oh yeah. That would be your funny bone. There’s a spot there where you can easily whack the nerve and it feels awful. Not very funny at all.

RJ: (yelling from across the room) I’ll show you MY funny bone! Mine is really funny.

Dad: Okay. Show it to us!

RJ: (spins around) … IT’S…

RJ: (bends over, waving his backside at the room) … RIGHT …

RJ: (and starts whacking his rear end) … HERE!

During July, we packed up the camper trailer, waved goodbye to our cat and dog and jumped in the car for a massive road trip up north. Our goal? Get to the coral, do some swimming and skindiving, maybe wave to a dolphin or two. The first few days involved lots of driving, but the kids took it well and we had the chance to meet up with friends of ours in Geraldton. From there we continued north to Shark Bay… and encountered some three billion year old creatures, one Barking Fence and a few billion white shells…

Seven hours in the car? There's definitely time for a pit stop along the way. Hello, Cervantes!

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(while cooking dinner at Rottnest)

RJ: (grabs a piece of uncooked spaghetti) Hey Dad. (crunch, crunch) What does this sound like? (crunch, crunch, crunch)

Dad: I dunno… Crunching?

RJ: Yes, but crunching what?

Dad: Umm… Crunching sticks? Bones?

RJ: Good… gooooood…

RJ: (grabs nearly-empty packet of uncooked spaghetti) Can I have these bits of pasta?

Dad: Sure thing. What for?

RJ: A secret project…

(5 minutes later while carrying dinner to a friend’s at Rottnest, RJ runs off into a dark alleyway.)

Dad: RJ! Come back!

RJ: (Silence…)

Dad: RJ! This stuff is hot and heavy and I don’t want to drop it. I need you to come back RIGHT NOW.

RJ: (Distant crunching noises… then a sudden explosion of rustling and snapping leaves and twigs) YEAH HAAAHAAHAA! IT WORKS!

RJ: (Excitedly runs around the corner) It works! It works!!!

Dad: What? What works?

RJ: The quokkas are terrified of me! Especially when I run up and make bone crunching noises at them!

RJ: (Triumphant) They think I’m a predator!

(while playing)

RJ: Look at this, Dad. I’ve got a great invention!

Dad: What is it?

RJ: It’s a ‘Head Box’. Guess what’s inside!

Dad: (feigning confusion) Umm… No idea.

RJ: (opens door and a head falls out) It’s got a head in it!

Dad: Yikes! What’s it for?

RJ: It’s great for when you need to get your heads delivered, but this one has a problem. It’s evil!

Dad: What do you mean?

RJ: Anyone who touches the head turns into someone else!

Dad: Whoah, that’s serious! … So what does a head box do if it doesn’t have the evil problem?

RJ: Well, then it’s just a bone box. You know, for delivering normal bones and stuff.

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: (excited) I have an idea for the museum!

Dad: What’s that?

RJ: We need to get some human bones. We definitely need a skull.

Dad: That’s a great idea, but human bones are pretty hard to find.

RJ: But I have an idea for that. We just have to go to the cemetary and take off one of the big stones…

Dad: A gravestone?

RJ: Yes, and then we dig a big hole, open up the coffin, and take the bones out! Easy!

Dad: There’s a problem with that. It’s called grave robbing and they made a law against it a few hundred years ago.

RJ: (thoughtfully) Ohhh… Hmmm… New idea then.

Dad: Yes?

RJ: We wait until someone going to put a coffin in the ground, before it’s in the grave, and when they’re not looking we take the bones then!

Dad: Yeah, I’m sure no one will be upset by that.

On the weekend, we all drove up to Gingin to help with the second stage of winemaking. The first stage, picking the grapes and first pressing, was already done a couple of weeks ago; it was time for the second pressing and getting the wine into vats for fermentation. We also spent time working on LR’s latest project, “The Museum of the Universes of Science” — a showcase for all the amazing animals, bones, plants and rocks that we discover up there.

Obviously, winemaking is a very serious business!

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(RJ has to introduce himself and a hobby at school today, he has decided to bring in his collection of ‘dead things’)

RJ: (pointing to dead bobtail lizard in tightly sealed plastic container) I still remember how bad he stinks. Yuck!

Dad: Really? You opened him up to take a sniff?

RJ: No! Not me… It was my teacher.

Dad: Why did she open it?

RJ: (grinning) I tricked her. I told her he wasn’t smelly at all.

Dad: I hope she learned her lesson!