(RJ announcing, from up in a tree)
Excuse me! Attention please!
We would like you to know that there has been a change in policy.
The change in policy is:
Kids are now allowed to have alcohol, whenever they want!
Now bring us some Coke!
Yesterday afternoon, while building a new raised planter box for an extension to the veggie patch, RJ and LR came out to help. Putting on my “Responsible Father” hat, I decided against letting them carve up the planks of wood with the saw. Determined to help do something, they chose to attack the rose bushes with the hedge trimmers.
This wasn’t a problem — the roses are scheduled to be deleted sometime soon when Mum reformats the gardens. To give the kids some purpose, I suggested we try to make perfume or rosewater out of the rose blooms. “Great,” they said, and asked how to make it.
I managed to describe the processes while trying to sink the posts for the garden bed without destroying the incredibly convoluted system of pipes and tubes that make up our irrigation system. LR picked rosewater and immediately ran off and got to work. RJ decided to make perfume, and then asked where he could get alcohol.
(out in our fairly small back yard, neighbours just a few metres away in all directions)
RJ: Can you get me some alcohol?
Dad: I need to finish this bit of the project, RJ. I can’t help you right now.
RJ: (getting upset) But I need it now. I need to make perfume.
Dad: I understand. You really want to get started, but I can’t help yet. You have to wait.
(this repeats a few times as RJ gets more and more upset)
RJ: (angry and screaming) I NEED ALCOHOL. YOU NEED TO GIVE ME ALCOHOL NOW!
Dad: No! No alcohol for you until later!
RJ: (at the top of his lungs) I WONT WAIT! GIVE ME SOME ALCOHOL! I NEED ALCOHOL.
(this repeats a few more times and eventually he breaks down into tears)
RJ: (sobbing, yet still somehow very loud) Please daddy, please get me some alcohol. I only need a little bit.
I’m just waiting for a knock on the door from family services… They’ll probably be taking my “Responsible Father” hat with them.
