Crumpled Home

(a sudden outburst, while eating dinner)

RJ: Okay, new rule! No one in this family is a allowed to turn into a giant!

Yesterday afternoon, while building a new raised planter box for an extension to the veggie patch, RJ and LR came out to help. Putting on my “Responsible Father” hat, I decided against letting them carve up the planks of wood with the  saw. Determined to help do something, they chose to attack the rose bushes with the hedge trimmers.

This wasn’t a problem — the roses are scheduled to be deleted sometime soon when Mum reformats the gardens. To give the kids some purpose, I suggested we try to make perfume or rosewater out of the rose blooms. “Great,” they said, and asked how to make it.

I managed to describe the processes while trying to sink the posts for the garden bed without destroying the incredibly convoluted system of pipes and tubes that make up our irrigation system. LR picked rosewater and immediately ran off and got to work. RJ decided to make perfume, and then asked where he could get alcohol.

(out in our fairly small back yard, neighbours just a few metres away in all directions)

RJ: Can you get me some alcohol?

Dad: I need to finish this bit of the project, RJ. I can’t help you right now.

RJ: (getting upset) But I need it now. I need to make perfume.

Dad: I understand. You really want to get started, but I can’t help yet. You have to wait.

(this repeats a few times as RJ gets more and more upset)

RJ: (angry and screaming) I NEED ALCOHOL. YOU NEED TO GIVE ME ALCOHOL NOW!

Dad: No! No alcohol for you until later!

RJ: (at the top of his lungs) I WONT WAIT! GIVE ME SOME ALCOHOL! I NEED ALCOHOL.

(this repeats a few more times and eventually he breaks down into tears)

RJ: (sobbing, yet still somehow very loud) Please daddy, please get me some alcohol. I only need a little bit.

I’m just waiting for a knock on the door from family services… They’ll probably be taking my “Responsible Father” hat with them.

(while eating breakfast)

RJ: Daddy, do you know how to make rice bubble glass?

Dad: Nope. You tell me.

RJ: First you get rice bubbles, but only the really clean ones. Then you heat them up so they’re very hot and they melt. Then you cool it down slowly and then you have rice bubble glass!

Dad: That’s great! What can you use it for?

RJ: You can make rice bubble bottles to put perfume in. They’re very nice.

RJ: … and you can also throw them at bad guys. They’re allergic to rice bubbles.

(In Australia, Rice Krispies are called Rice Bubbles. Same company, same box, and same trio of little guys helping to sell it.)

LR’s birthday rolled around and, despite appearances, we managed to keep it fairly simple (no giant parties, sleepovers, movie nights, etc.) LR loved every minute of it and is already making plans for next year!

After searching nearly ten bike shops in the area we finally found a bike cool enough for LR.

(walking back to the house)

RJ: Aaaarrrrrrrgggghh. Mozzies! I can’t stand mozzies!

Dad: I know, they’re terrible. What don’t you like about them?

RJ: After they bite me, I get so … aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh… itchy!

Dad: I’ll see if we can get some cream on that after we get inside.

RJ: Thanks.

Dad: So, can you think of a way to stop getting bitten so much?

RJ: Umm… Yes! I wish I could turn into a mosquito, then I’d be safe!

(discussing dreams over breakfast)

LR: I had a nice dream last night… I had a tea party with a polar bear and a penguin. They didn’t eat each other, but we did end up going over a waterfall together.

On Sunday, we took our last trip to the old house (before ownership transferred to the new owners on Monday). We wandered around, admired the veggie patch (now overflowing with food ready to eat), and gave the kids’ trees a farewell climb. We were all sad to go.

In 2005, when they resurfaced the street and redid the curbs, we took the chance to leave our mark!

RJ says goodbye to his tree.

LR and RJ have one last climb as they say goodbye to LR's tree.

Mum reaches to switch off the lights for the last time. Goodbye house!

Near the kids play room,
There was a frog pond,
And a swingset too,
And a piano,
That had never, ever been tuned.

And there were three gum trees,
For climbing and feeding bees,

And two veggie patches,
And a pool that splashes,

And rooms full of light,
And no palms in sight,

And a study with a desk, always covered in mess,
And a street full of neighbours who were the absolute best.

Goodnight house.

Happy Birthday LR! We’re so proud of you and all the things you’ve accomplished so far. It’s a bit sad seeing our little girl grow up, but it’s fantastic seeing you tackle new things every day with such determination.

Love Mum & Dad.

LR turns six today, and she's got of LOT of things planned.

(discussing nightmares over breakfast)

RJ: My dream was about robot emus. They were really scary because they could run faster than me.
Dad: Whoah. That sounds awful!
RJ: Yes. They had guns on them on too.
Dad: Did you have a way to stop them, or to get away?
RJ: I found out that when you put toothpaste in their eyes, it kills them.
Dad: So you killed them and escaped?
RJ: No! They came back to life! They turned into zombie robot emus!